How to stop eating candy [Podcast]

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I talk with Karlygash about why she’s eating cake and candy, and explore how she needs more sweetness in her life. Erin called to talk about her epiphany when it comes to wine and fun. I shared how being overly focused on productivity gets in the way of enjoying life, and why happiness can be scary. What does this have to do with food? Watch and learn!


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You're listening to The Dr. Nina Show with Dr. Nina Savelle Rocklin only on La Talk Radio.

Dr. Nina: Hey there, welcome to The Dr. Nina Show on La Talk Radio. I'm your host, Dr. Nina Savelle Rocklin. And I am here to help you stop counting how many carbs [inaudible 00:00:44], stop dieting. So you can get to a healthy weight easily and get on with your life. That is my goal for you, I want you to wake up and think about your day, not your diet. If you'd like to call in and talk with me, the number here is 323-203-0815, that's 323-203-0815. I would love to hear what is on your mind, what is eating at you. Because the real problem with binge eating, stress eating, any kind of emotional eating, the real problem is not food. The real problem is what's eating at you.

Josh on Instagram is saying hopefully there were no more complaints. No, Josh, actually, a couple of people emailed and messaged me that they really liked your calls and that they really thought you were, sounded like a very interesting guy and that they hope that you would call in again. So don't feel at all bad about the comment from a few weeks ago. Overall your calls are so helpful and so amazing. And particularly someone mentioned that the idea of when Josh called and said that he was hungry, and he couldn't figure out why he was hungry, because he just ate and there was no physical reason for him to be hungry. And then he did some thinking about it. And he realized that actually he was having a sense of yearning, a yearning for connection, a yearning for love, if you will. And so we had talked about how the emotional experience of yearning and wanting more can be felt in your body as physical hunger, which is so interesting, right? That mind body connection is so cool. And again, people really are enjoying what you have to say, so keep saying it.

So Laurie sent in a message and she said that I had said something about weight gain, not always having to do with emotional eating. And asked me to say more about that. And I think what she's referring to is I said that not everybody who is overweight or struggles with their weight is doing so because of emotional eating or stress eating or something emotionally based. And so I thought that this is a good thing for me to talk about a little. I going to step back a little bit from the psycho, like the psychology of eating and just briefly go over some things that are really interesting because they do contribute to weight problems. And you may not know, actually the 25 worst habits that will expand your waistline from a website called Eat This, Not That.

So, they basically say the little things that people do day in and day out that they barely notice, determine a lot about what's going on with your waistline. So they give you some healthy tips. The first one is that these are all no, nos. The first one is you eat low fat. It sounds crazy, they say, but stop buying foods marketed as low fat or fat free, even weight loss smoothies. The answer to, does fat make you fat? Is no and typically low fat products save you only a few calories. Only a few you ask is because food manufacturers replace harmless fats with low performing simple carbs that digest quickly causing a sugar rush and immediately afterwards, rebound hunger. So meals that limit fat actually end up making you hungrier in long run and make you eat more and also have all kinds of effects on your body in terms of what it does with carbs.

You don't drink enough water, adequate water intake is essential for all your body's functions. The more you drink, the more says the University of Utah study, the better your chances of staying thinner. In one study dieting participants who were instructed to drink two cups of water before each meal lost 30% more weight than their thirsty peers. As you can imagine, the effect by adding, and you can magnify the effect by adding ice. German researchers found that six cups of cold water a day could prompt a metabolic boost. Okay, again, these are things that are purely physiological and absolutely ignore the emotional reasons why you might be eating. I am in no way saying hey, drink more water and you will be as hungry. That's what they're saying. But some of these tips are very interesting and worth knowing.

Another tip is if you're sleeping too little or too much, dieters who sleep five hours or less, put on two and a half more times more belly fat while those who sleep more than eight hours, only slightly less than that. So there is a relationship between how much sleep you get and how your body processes metabolically. Let see. You too quickly article it is this. It takes 20 minutes for your stomach to tell your brain that it has had enough. A study in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association found that slow eaters took in 66 fewer calories per meal compared to their faster eating people. So they have other interesting tips. Again, these are physiological, not psychological.

Here's one that is important. And this is something I talk about all the time, I talk about in my book, which is about sugar substitutes. Don't drink diet soda they say. The average American guzzles nearly a full gallon of soda every week, even diet soda. Why is that bad? Because drinking one to two sodas a day, diet or not 33%. Researchers in San Antonio tracked a group of elderly subjects for nearly a decade. And they found that compared to non drinkers of soda, those who drink two or more diet sodas a day, watch their waistlines increase five times faster. The researchers theorize that artificial sweeteners trigger appetite cues, and they cause you to unconsciously eat more at subsequent meals. I think there are also some studies that say that your body does not read diet soda or sweeteners as diet and has the same reaction to diet drinks than it does to actual real soda. But again, that is not really my forte.

They're just a few of these that I just wanted to share with you. Which are reasons why you may be gaining weight, even if or having a hard time losing weight, even if it doesn't have to do with something emotional. Because the thing is, most of the time, it is not what you are eating that is the true problem. What you're eating, if you're turning to food, if you're eating too much of something, it is because you are trying to cope, it is not because you lack willpower. It is not because you are not in control. You may not be in control, but that's not the point. It is not because there is something wrong with you. It is because you are trying to help yourself in a way that hurts you. So the next time that you are turning to food, ask yourself why? What is going on with me?

And this is part of the reason that I developed the food mood formula, because a lot of times you don't know. We get so good at turning to food we don't even realize that we are unconsciously triggered. People often ask me well what do I do about this trigger food or that trigger food? And the reality is, there are no trigger foods. I repeat, there are no trigger foods. There are no trigger foods. There are only trigger situations. And when we have trigger situations, then we respond to those situations by coping with food, sometimes food, sometimes alcohol, other things, could be a lot of different things. But it is, the food is the answer to the trigger, it is the solution to the problem. It is not the problem.

Questions, thoughts, ideas, give me a call or if you're on Instagram, feel free to text me at 323-203-0815. I mean, text me through, I mean, message me through Instagram, or call me at 323-203-0815. So I want to talk a little bit about what I just mentioned, which was the food mood formula. Some of you have heard the story of my patient who really believed she was a food addict. She absolutely believed that she was a food… 323-203-0815. Yes, Erin, that is correct. And we have Karlygash on the line. Hi, Karlygash.

Karlygash: Hi, Dr. Nina.

Dr. Nina: Hi, Karlygash. How are you today?

Karlygash: I'm okay, thank you. You were saying in the beginning of the program. And I have a question. Sometimes when I'm in the state of binging or beginning to binge or I've been thinking to binge and I think like no I'm doing something wrong right now I need to think why is this [inaudible 00:11:48]. I need to think about the reason. But I always have this idea that like, I don't know why. And I think I already asked you that. And you said that who was not that interested in you when you were a kid. But my question is, sometimes it's just I forget about all this. Like you said, there is no trigger food. And it just dawned on me like yeah, she's right there is no trigger food. But it seems that I'm learning then at the crucial point, you kind of forget this information or something. And then I distract, hoping like, oh I'm going to cut on [inaudible 00:12:25].

Dr. Nina: Just for those who didn't hear our previous conversation, there was this kind of attitude of indifference that Karlygash had like, I don't care, whatever, I'm just going to eat that I don't care. And I asked her, how was that attitude of indifference familiar, and it was very familiar to her. So I pointed out that she was treating herself as she had been treated so that's what that part that she was talking about. Karlygash that is exactly why I created my food mood formula that I was about to talk about. So this is a perfect entryway into it. Sometimes, we don't know what is going on. Often we don't know because we get so good at using food to escape, comfort, relax, whatever it is distract, numb, we get so used to using food we don't know what the original trigger is. We don't know what was going on.

So that is why I developed my food mood formula. But before I get to that, I would say to you give it a little bit more time. Even if, you might have to say okay, what's going on with me? What would I be thinking about if I were not thinking about eating? What would I feel if I were not feeling this intense need to eat this, or this, or this, or this and this and this? What is it that is going on with me? What problem is this solving? And again, you may not know because how do you know something that you're using binging to escape? It's hard, practice makes progress. That's why I developed the food mood formula, which is all you have to do is think about what it is that you're eating, and then the formula tells you what you probably need.

Dr. Nina: So you call a lot and talk about cakes, and cakes are part of the category of filling bulky foods, cakes, muffins, bread, [inaudible 00:14:51], pasta, pizza, anything that takes up space within your body. Anything that fills up space are the bulky foods. And those are associated with loneliness, and an inner void. And that inner void can be about something to do with your life, what's missing in your life, it doesn't have to be about a person. Loneliness is about needing to be with people, the right people, because there's nothing worse than being lonely when you're with people that don't make you feel good. So to be able, so that's one category.

So if those are your go to, then you have to ask yourself, what is missing in my life, and work on that. The other one is the smooth and creamy ice cream or pudding that's associated with comfort. So if that's your go to, and again, I just have to say this is not about eating cake, or eating a burger or eating whatever. This is about when you're using it to change the way you emotionally feel. So if smooth and creamy is your thing then that indicates that you need comfort. How do you comfort yourself? Find a new way of comforting yourself with words not with ice cream. And the last category is crunchy. So chips and anything without a bite that's associated with anger. So what resonates for you today?

Karlygash: Oh, I don't know. It's just meat, a lot of meat. And just to say I was nine years vegetarian and I never ate any meat product in nine years of my life. But then my doctor says that my brain condition was not good. He said to take fish oil. And then I just like, what's the point I will just eat everything. So in December I started eating meat and I just eat a lot of meat.

Dr. Nina: Okay, are you, so a couple of things come to mind. When is, are you actually binging on meat? Or does your body need to eat red meat protein kind of a thing? So are you binging it? Or are you eating it?

Karlygash: I think sometimes I'm overeating it. But here you go. If I eat just meat, I will say that I have enough calories per day, but I add on top of that spiced sweets.

Dr. Nina: All right. So I think Karlygash your voice is a little bit going in and out. But I think what you said was you add on sweets, what kind of sweets?

Karlygash: I get this thing from like, those are like Russian candies. Kind of from my country. And I buy them.

Dr. Nina: Karlygash your voice is going in and out. All right, so sweets from your country. Could you have some kind of homesickness? Do you need more sweetness in your life? Do you have enough fun in your life? Again, really recognizing that there is such a symbolic aspect to this if you're eating a bunch of sweets. Oh, Karlygash. I don't know what was happening. But we were getting horrible feedback right there. So Ronan is everything okay, everything working? Hopefully everything is working. Yes, everything is working. All right. Karlygash, we're just having some kind of phone issue with you there. But if you can hear this. You've talked about cakes, also from your country. You've talked about today sweets. So what is the emptiness? What is the void? And I have another caller. Welcome caller. Hi, you're on with Dr. Nina. Hello.

Sophia: Oh, I'm Sophia.

Dr. Nina: Oh, is that… Okay, I'm going to finish with Karlygash, first. So, Karlygash think about what is the empty space in your life? What is the sweetness that you are missing? Think about that. That's what you want to ask yourself. That's what the food choices tell you. So instead of what's going on with me, I don't know. Say all right, I'm eating this it must mean that. How do I deal with my, even if you're not consciously aware of it. How do I give myself more fun? How do I give myself more sweetness in my life? How do I fill up in a way what missing? How do I fill up my life? What's missing in my life? These are the questions I want you to ask. You can do this.

Karlygash: Thank you. You were absolutely right. Because recently I started talking to friends from Kazakhstan, from my childhood friends and I kind of started like, talking to people I haven't talked for years. It's nice to see they are here. So it makes sense. I guess I just, because I removed all like abusive people from my life. And I'm not tolerating them anymore. I guess I'm just longing for connection with really kind people.

Dr. Nina: That is a very poignant thing to say and realize and to be gentle with yourself and realize that and of course, you feel that way. And how can you make those connections? How can you reassure yourself if those people are not available? These are all the ways that you deal with the situation and when you do that I am telling you the aunts from Kazakhstan will no longer be calling for you. Can't either.

Karlygash: Thank you, Dr. Nina. Thank you.

Dr. Nina: You're welcome, Karlygash. Good luck.

Karlygash: Thank you. Take care.

Dr. Nina: You too. Bye, bye.

Karlygash: Bye, bye.

Dr. Nina: We're having, let me just, as we wait for our caller to come on, let me answer what Erin is saying on Instagram. She had so much, on my birthday. And the next day had zero desire for a glass of wine, I realized it was totally tied to lack of friend and lack of fun and friend connection. The glass of wine was unnecessary. So I think Erin, are you saying that you had a lot on your birth, you drank a lot on your birthday. I had a lot more maybe coffee, I don't know. I'm confused because there are very, there are lots of… Oh, wait do I have a caller? Okay I thought, no. All right, the caller is no longer there. Well, caller if you were listening, and you had to be online while or on hold while I was finishing with Karlygash, please call back. I would love to hear from you.

Erin, on Instagram, it sounds like you were saying you had a lot of wine. And that you realized later it was connected to something that was missing that there was something missing that day that you used wine to process or to escape or to get away from and to cope with. And if you're interested in talking more with me, give me a call or you can always answer on Instagram, 323-203-0815 and anyone else who has a question on Instagram, please just feel free to leave it in the comments. And I will get back to you. Hello. Hi, caller you're on with Dr. Nina.

Erin: Hello.

Dr. Nina: Hello.

Erin: Hi, Dr. Nina. This is Erin.

Dr. Nina: Hi, Erin. Erin she's come from Instagram to the phone. Here she is. Hi, Erin.

Erin: Hi. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to call in but…

Dr. Nina: You figured it out, you're here.

Erin: Oh good. On my birthday. I sometimes in the evenings I'm craving a glass of wine that's my relax or something. And it was getting to be why am I wanting this so much every night and then, not every night but two or three times. But then on my birthday, I went and saw a good friend and I had so much fun on the beach that I found the very next night I had zero desire for that, I had zero, never even crossed my mind. So I think I kind of figured out thanks to your counsel. When you try to see the weeds and dig up the root, I think I saw the root was a lack of connection. I was using the wine sort of as a feeling of fun, like party or like not have fun or connection.

Dr. Nina: If you're not having enough fun, you're going to find other ways to give yourself that sense of fun whether it is wine, whether it is food often, and the problem is not wine, the problem is not food. The problem is the lack of something in this case, fun and enjoyment. So when you can attend to the real root issue, the real root problem and deal with well, how are you going to have more fun? How are you going to inject that into your life, especially during these times of living in a pandemic, and things are still very locked down? How do you do that?

Erin: Right.

Dr. Nina: You resolve that problem, everything else changes.

Erin: I mean, after I had a little bit of fun with a friend and reconnected and just ran around the beach because I don't connect with my husband the way that I do with my friends. And I've been missing that, I've been putting too much into just my family. And I've been losing myself. And once I got back to that, it was remarkable how I didn't want any wine or popcorn the next night. So you're totally right. I was just showing you proof [crosstalk 00:26:07].

Dr. Nina: Popcorn.

Erin: That's crunch, right?

Dr. Nina: Crunch. So what about feelings of frustration or irritation or some derivative of anger?

Erin: Oh, well. Okay, so I think that's connected to what we talked about in the diet pre divas group last Thursday. I mean, Dr. Nina's diet pre divas group. And I have some underlying guilt and shame. And sometimes I think it's turning to anger now that I'm seeing more what it's coming from. And it kind of goes over to, it's starting to turn into a little bit of anger because I'm like, no, I don't want to feel that way anymore. I'm getting sort of defensive for myself with a bit of anger. Does that make sense?

Dr. Nina: Are you saying that you are instead of feeling guilty about what you eat, you're recognizing more that you're feeling anger outward? And you're stuffing it with popcorn or expressing it with popcorn?

Erin: Yes. That in a very roundabout way. That's what I was saying, yes. And then I noticed… Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

Dr. Nina: Oh, no, you go ahead.

Erin: Also in the nighttime, sometimes it's when I'm not attending to the things that I feel I need to be doing like not, I haven't gotten to do enough things on my to do list. I'll eat the popcorn out of anger at myself for not having done enough.

Dr. Nina: So you are slave driving yourself for not having done enough, may I share how many children you have?

Erin: Sure.

Dr. Nina: Erin has three kids all under the age of…

Erin: Nine. So they're four, six and nine.

Dr. Nina: She has a four year old, a six year old and a nine year old. She is a mom to three kids. She is dealing with a lot. And I think you have, where's the errand time also, where are you getting time for you? And sometimes eating gives you that time, that me time. If you're listening-

Erin: [inaudible 00:28:43] like crazy.

Dr. Nina: Yeah. If you're in this kind of slave driving mode, right? Do more, do more, do more, do for the kids, do for the husband, do for everyone. And then it's achieved and produced and do, do, do. And when you're in that slave driving mode, sometimes the only way to take a break is to go eat something.

Erin: Oh, right. Good point. Yeah, because sitting down on the couch and doing nothing is not ever an option.

Dr. Nina: Why not?

Erin: Because I'm like… Yeah, because I'm feeling like what should I be doing now that I have these moments to myself, I need to be straightening the house, do the dishes, go I don't know, write a song, this and that. But yeah, I need to get better at just sitting with myself and or doing something that's just errand time. And sometimes I'm just straight up tired and I don't like to be tired. I don't like to be tired at all.

Dr. Nina: Well, of course you don't like to be tired because you have this slave driving mode, right? That you are, you have this way of go, go, go. You are a human doing, not a human being. And if you can't let yourself just rest, if you can't, if you're tired, then you might even use food to wake up. A lot of people will say, oh, I was so tired so I ate some candy to wake up. Well, the answer to tiredness is not sugar. The answer to being tired is to give yourself some rest.

Erin: To sit down and just relax, yeah.

Dr. Nina: Yes, but if there's a prohibition against that, because you were taught early on that, boy, you're only worthy if you're doing something. If you're achieving and producing and doing things, then you're okay, otherwise, shame on you, then it's going to be very hard.

Erin: Oh, I had one more question if that's okay.

Dr. Nina: Of course.

Erin: This is going to make everyone think I'm crazy. But that's okay, maybe not. On my birthday and quite often this happens. I had to go park my car and my family was in my friend's house. And I was running, I was super happy this is my birthday just got to the beach, I was with my best friend. And I was literally like jogging, just with happiness, and I just had a panic, like I was so in the moment, I almost felt like, I just got the biggest sense that I was, I'm like, oh my gosh, I better stop having this much fun. I thought I was going to get hit by a car, or something. And I always get that sense. When I get to a place where I'm happy like, super happy, I get scared. I don't know how to explain it. But it's like, and it's not… It's just like a little feeling like, oh my God, if I keep being this happy something bad is going to happen.

Dr. Nina: Well, first of all, this is so common that I…

Erin: Oh, good.

Dr. Nina: This is, I actually in my book in The Binge Cure, I actually talk about one of the obstacles to letting yourself be happy. And if you step on the rug of happiness, someone is going to yank it out from underneath you. And Erin says, oh, she feels like the happiness is going to disappear. I have felt that way too. So you are not alone. Many, many people have this fear of, oh, it's too good to be true or something bad is going to happen because I'm daring the universe to strike me because I've dared to feel good.

Erin: Right.

Dr. Nina: And this is learned.

Erin: But why is that? It's learned.

Dr. Nina: Well, it's learned. It's learned from our families. Sometimes people have, things are going well and then something happens in their families like things are going well, and then suddenly, their parents get divorced. And they just think, oh, my gosh, I was so happy and now this happened. And they correlate those things. Like, oh, things were going well, and now this has happened. So it's as if one has caused the other, or we have all kinds of sayings about this in our culture, right? Oh, it's too good to be true. Or when is the other-

Erin: Or the other shoe is going to drop.

Dr. Nina: Or the other shoe is going to drop. So we have these ideas and why do we do this, so we can be prepared. If we are the agent of our own unhappiness, nobody else can take it away from us, it gives us the illusion of power over our own unhappiness, right? If I don't let myself be happy, nobody can make me be unhappy. And this is so, it's psychological, not logical, logical is what are you talking about, you're going to be unhappy so that nobody can make you unhappy. Psychologically, it's, I'm going to be, I'm going to make sure that I am not happy and one of the ways you can do that is not happy with your weight, not happy with what you're eating, not happy with your marriage, not happy in, you name it, suffering some attachment to suffering, so that you don't get too happy and have it taken away from you.

Erin: Right, right, right, right interesting. I'm halfway through The Binge Cure. I put it on my Audible, so I can get through more quickly. So I'm excited about that, to get to the part that you said about pulling the rug of happiness, the fear, so I will finish that now I'm motivated.

Dr. Nina: There's also this sense of attachment to suffering. Because sometimes we're taught covertly or overtly, that it's normal to suffer like somehow there's something good about suffering it means you're a true artist. It means that you're a good person, it means something. And about happiness, that can cause us to fear happiness.

Erin: Yeah, and I grew up in a house with a mother who is extremely the max to the max and martyr and-

Dr. Nina: There you go.

Erin: … zero self joy. So maybe I feel I don't even like to tell her when I'm super happy because I feel a little bit like, how do I deserve to be this happy when she's still suffering I guess. It's a little bit, but it's just a little bit though.

Dr. Nina: Yeah, but it's good that you're recognizing these thoughts and seeing how they have affected your relationship to yourself and therefore with food, because not being happy about your weight, your food, your whatever, not being happy about something. It's like a way of keeping you safe, but safe from, it's based on the notion that if you let yourself feel good boom something bad is going to happen. So it's great that you were able to recognize that great moment at the beach with the fear.

Erin: Yeah, now I can look at it and be like, and I did, I looked at it and I was like, wow, I see that now. I know what that feeling is exactly, and step around it just go have fun.

Dr. Nina: Yes, go have fun. It's not in any way related to, you don't earn fun. You don't have to, you don't have to fear that you're having too much fun. And you just have to be in the moment.

Erin: I feel a little like my version of fun, too. Sometimes it's kind of childish in the eyes of other adults, because my idea of fun is like running around in the sand and digging holes and doing practicing handstands. That doesn't resonate with a lot of other people my age. So that's kind of weird I got to like find a crew that didn't, maybe acro yoga people or something I don't know. I need to find some more playful people to be with I think.

Dr. Nina: Exactly. By the way, I want to, Karlygash is on Instagram. And she says, “Thank you, Erin, with a lot of heart emojis. Your sharing is helpful. I relate to an unhappy mother and feeling guilty to be happy. It's if I see her judging suffering face. So you are not alone.”

Erin: Thank you, Karlygash. My friends shall see you tomorrow [inaudible 00:37:23].

Dr. Nina: Yes. So just when you're curious which you are being today and modeling curiosity, when you're curious, and you say, well, what's that about? I was feeling this way and then that. Then you can start putting things together and then you don't use food to enact this fear and get ahead of it. I'm going to make myself feel bad so nothing bad will happen to me.

Erin: Tone it down, sister. Yeah, totally.

Dr. Nina: You are very welcome. Thank you for calling and I think that your conversation will really help a lot of other people because tons of people can relate to this. No more disclaimers about this sounds weird or this is all of that.

Erin: Okay. Yeah, I feel better to know that it's common, more common.

Dr. Nina: And I'm also going to talk about slave driving.

Erin: Okay.

Dr. Nina: So, thank you, and please call me back and let me know how it goes.

Erin: Okay, I will thank you.

Dr. Nina: Or tell me in the diet pre divas group. Okay, bye.

Erin: Okay, I'll see you there tomorrow. Okay, bye, bye.

Dr. Nina: Bye, bye. Okay, so Erin was talking about this idea of doing and I'm just going to [inaudible 00:38:50] which sounds more like the more I do, the better I am. It's that kind of feeling of the more I do, the better I am. Oh, wait, Josh did have a question, “How does eating relate to sexual passion?” Well, it is about desired, it is about yearning. We desire, others we desire connection, we desire passion, is about desire. And again, sometimes when people are unpredictable, unreliable, or unavailable, we can displace desire, from a desire for a passionate, loving, amazing relationship or just passion, we can displace that from a personal interaction or relationship onto food. So, Josh, I hope that answers that question. Feel free to call me if you have, want to elaborate on that, but both have to do with desire.

Dr. Nina: So the more I do, the better I am. And so I write about this person who came to see me I call her Brenda, Josh is saying, “We desire our mothers sexually first.” Well, that's what Freud thought, I'm not so sure. And I would say contemporary analysts wouldn't actually necessarily agree with that. The more I do, the better I am. So Brenda came to me and there she was, she had like an open laptop on her. And she was ready to take notes on everything I was saying. And she told me, she needed some tools to deal with her compulsive overeating. She said, I don't want to talk about my family, I don't want to talk about my past. Just tell me what to do.

And she told me that she spent each night on the computer answering emails, doing online research for work, with the TV on in the background and a crochet project in her lap and probably an open magazine, because she was doing five things at once at any time. And as long as she was multitasking, she was good. As soon as she didn't have distractions, she would go to food. So she said, what do I need to do? And I said, you need to do less. Just do less, what is that supposed to mean?

So I explained that this pursuit of accomplishment was a distraction from her uncomfortable thoughts, and emotions. And that what she needed to do was to do quote and unquote, was to be able to be with herself. And when she could do that, she would no longer need to do so much. She would no longer eat when she was stressed or eat as something to avoid herself. And she just considered this notion of being with herself a complete waste of time, she had no idea what it would be like to value herself because who she was, or to value her time spent taking care of herself as time well spent. Because for her who she was, was just what she did, her accomplishments were everything. So many of us define ourselves by what we do and we miss out on the richness of simply being.

Author and self development coach, Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, I am a human being not a human doing. Don't equate your self worth with how well you do things in life. You aren't what you do. If you are what you do, then what you don't, you aren't. Deepak Chopra said something similar when he said, “I'm a PC and a human being not a human doing. Not a human thinking a human being.” That was an ad for Microsoft. So our society sort of over emphasizes this notion that we're only as good as what we are doing. We're only as good as what we are achieving. And so then achievements become the basis of your self esteem, and your self worth is tied to what are you doing. And we cannot be achieving all the time. We can't do, do, do all the time.

We have to learn how to be with ourselves, and listen to what we want, what we feel, what we think, not just what we do. And if you can't be with yourself, if you don't know how to process certain feelings or certain wishes, or certain thoughts then we turn to food as a distraction or other things, we turn to food as a distraction because, if you're thinking about what you're eating, you're not thinking about what's eating at you.

So doing distracts from your emotions, and it can take the form of working all the time, go to the gym when the gym is open. Being online running errands instead of relaxing, having the TV on at all hours, filling every minute of the day with activities, constantly thinking about what you need to accomplish next, making lists or thinking about backgrounds, calories, the number on the scale, these are all forms of doing and they keep you from being. Being puts you in touch with your feelings. It means staying aware of your thoughts and your emotions. And it means having the ability to comfort support and soothe yourself when you're upset. If it is difficult for you to relax and you keep yourself busy doing 10 things at once, like Erin was talking about or like Brenda. If you're always thinking about your next project, you are maybe using doing to escape feeling.

So when you can learn to be with those thoughts and emotions and conflicts that arise when you're not being productive you'll be surprised at what surfaces. And when you deal with it, you won't use food anymore. It's like when Erin said that she's been craving wine multiple times a week. But when she actually had fun with her friend, she stopped craving wine will substitute ice cream for that. When she got what she really needed, she didn't need that symbolic substitute. And that is why it is so important to really be able to sit with yourself. And by that I don't mean sit with your emotions.

Some people say that like, what do you mean you just sit there with your feelings? No, you don't just sit there wallowing and feeling, oh, that doesn't sound good. I'm talking about being able to recognize what you feel and then respond with words with an attitude. A lot of times people get frustrated with themselves. Why am I feeling that I should be over this? Why do I want that? It's so childish. Even Erin said it in her call. I like doing childish things. No, you like doing playful things. If you could just say, this is what I like. And this is what I feel. And this is what I want. And say of course I want that. It's fun, it brings me to light, makes me feel good. Then you will stop using a substitute to distract from those feelings. You will stop using food as a thing that you are doing.

Sometimes they'll eat to have their own me time. Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, and then they give themselves a break by heading to the kitchen. What is that kitchen, that is their me time. So then the more that you can allow yourself to breathe, to be, to check in with yourself, the easier it gets. And the less you use food for that purpose.

So that is our show for today. Thank you so much for joining me here on The Dr. Nina Show on LA Talk Radio and Instagram. You can listen live every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. Pacific here on LA Talk Radio and on Instagram Live. And you can listen later on Apple podcasts or anywhere you get podcasts. And if you are interested in my diet free divas program, or my [inaudible 00:47:48] babes program or any of the online programs that I offer, just head on over to my website drninainc, You can also see my free training that I just created to help you stop emotional eating for good.

So take care of yourself. Allow yourself to be a human being. No one has ever died from feelings you will survive your feelings. Just treat yourself as you would treat someone you love. Be kind to yourself. If you wouldn't say it to a child or someone you love. Don't say it to yourself. And if you would say it to a child or someone you love, if you would be kind and calming and understanding and loving, that's how to talk to yourself. When you talk to yourself you feel better, when you talk to yourself in a kind way you feel good. And when you feel good, guess what? You don't need food too feel good. So, stay safe, stay healthy. And I'll see you next week. Bye for now.

You're listening to The Dr. Nina Show with Dr. Nina Savelle Rocklin only on LA Talk Radio.