Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin
Binge Eating Self-Help Guide: How to Go from Self-Sabotage to Self-Control
If you're struggling with emotional eating or binge eating, you've probably experienced this:
You start a new diet or healthy eating plan with the best of intentions, only to find yourself elbow-deep in a bag of chips a few days later.
Or maybe you make progress for a while, but then you stop being healthy and start turning to food again.
If so, you can probably relate to some of these questions:
- Why do I keep sabotaging my progress every time I start to do well?
- Why do I always ruin my diet after a few days of doing great?
- How come whenever I’m stressed, I end up binge eating and undoing all my hard work, even though I know it’s the wrong thing to
- Why do I turn to food for comfort even though I know it’s sabotaging my goals?
Self-sabotage is both common and frustrating. It can affect various aspects of our lives, from our eating habits to our personal and professional achievements.
But why do we do it?
Understanding the underlying reasons behind self-sabotage is the first step towards breaking free from this destructive cycle.
In this binge eating self-help guide, I’ll explore the hidden motivations and fears that drive self-sabotage and give you strategies to overcome them.
With guidance, it’s possible to transform these self-defeating behaviors into opportunities for growth and healing.
Table of Contents
- Step-by-Step Guide: Overcoming Binge Eating and Self-Sabotage
- Step 1. Recognize Self-Sabotage
- Step 2. Uncover the Fears Behind Eating Behaviors
- Step 3. Identify Internal Conflicts Around Food and Body
- Step 4. Understand the Purpose Behind Binge Eating
- Step 5. Reframe Negative Self-Talk About Food and Body
- 6. Practice Self-Compassion Around Eating and Body Image
- 7. Set Realistic Goals for Your Eating and Health
- Start Your Binge Eating Self-Help Journey Today!
- Frequently Asked Questions
Step-by-Step Guide: Overcoming Binge Eating and Self-Sabotage
Breaking free from binge eating and self-sabotage can feel overwhelming, but with the right strategies, it's entirely possible to regain control and build a healthier relationship with food.
This step-by-step guide will walk you through practical actions you can take to recognize your triggers, challenge negative thoughts, develop healthier coping mechanisms, practice mindful eating, set realistic goals, and cultivate self-compassion.
Each step is designed to help you understand and address the underlying issues driving your eating behaviors, empowering you to make lasting, positive changes.
Step 1. Recognize Self-Sabotage
It might seem obvious what “self-sabotage” means, but let’s just take a moment to define it. With emotional and binge eating, self-sabotage can take many forms.
Common forms of Self-Sabotage:
- Starting a new diet or meal plan, only to abandon it within days or weeks
- Buying trigger foods “for someone else” but ending up eating them yourself
- Eating in secret or hiding evidence of binges
- Promising yourself you'll start eating healthy “tomorrow” but never following through
- Making excuses for why you can't stick to your goals (“I'm too busy,” “It's too hard”)
- Deliberately overeating before starting a new diet as a “last hurrah”
- Skipping meals or restricting during the day, leading to overeating at night
- To create change, first reflect on your patterns. Consider the behaviors or thought patterns that keep derailing your efforts.
For example, you might notice that you always binge eat right before an important event where you want to look your best. Or maybe you turn to food whenever things go well in your life.
By realizing your specific self-sabotaging tendencies, you'll be better equipped to catch yourself in the act and make different choices.
Step 2. Uncover the Fears Behind Eating Behaviors
Self-sabotage often stems from deep-rooted fears we may not even be consciously aware of. With emotional and binge eating, there are some common fears you can look into.
Common Eating Behavior Fears:
- Fear of deprivation: Worry that changing your eating habits means never enjoying food again
- Fear of losing your coping mechanism: Anxiety about not having food to turn to for comfort
- Fear of being seen: Worry about attracting unwanted attention if you lose weight
- Fear of vulnerability: Anxiety about being hurt if you allow yourself to be truly known by others and connect with them deeply, which you might be more likely to do (or so you think) if you’re at a lower weight.
- Fear of success: Worry about increased expectations or responsibilities if you achieve your weight loss goals.
- Fear of failure: Anxiety about trying to change and not succeeding or gaining weight back after losing it.
These fears can be so uncomfortable that we unconsciously create obstacles to avoid facing them. Someone with a fear of vulnerability might binge eat to maintain extra weight as a form of protection.
Someone with a fear of failure might sabotage their diet to avoid the pressure of maintaining weight loss.
Reflect on which fears might be behind your self-sabotaging eating behaviors rather than focusing on what you are eating. After all, it’s not what you’re eating that is the problem, it’s what’s eating “at” you.
Step 3. Identify Internal Conflicts Around Food and Body
Sometimes, part of us wants to change our eating habits while another part resists. This internal conflict can lead to sabotage. Here are the most common conflicts:
Common Conflicts around Food and Body:
- Wanting to lose weight but fearing loss of protection or identity
- Wanting to be healthy but not wanting to give up the comfort of food, because then there’s no way of self-soothing
- Wanting freedom from food obsession but realizing that if you’re not thinking about food all the time, you’re thinking about other things that are scary, like dissatisfaction in a relationship or other aspects of life
- Wanting to feel confident in your body but fearing unwanted attention
Identifying these internal conflicts can help you understand why you’re sabotaging yourself.
Step 4. Understand the Purpose Behind Binge Eating
One reason self-sabotage can be so persistent is that our behaviors often serve a purpose, even if it's not immediately obvious. With emotional and binge eating, they might include several “secondary gains”.
Reasons for Binge Eating:
- Numbing uncomfortable emotions
- Providing a sense of comfort or relief
- Avoiding dealing with challenging situations or relationships
- Maintaining a familiar identity or role, as in being the “nice fat friend” as one person put it
- Rebelling against diet culture or societal pressure to be thin
- Displacing lack of control or certain emotions over one area of your life onto food. It’s easier to feel angry at yourself for binge eating or gaining weight than to recognize you’re mad at your partner or friend.
Consider what benefits you might get from your eating behaviors, even if they're ultimately harmful. Binge eating is like a “frenemy”—it feels comforting and familiar, yet it ultimately undermines your well-being.
On one hand, it provides a temporary sense of relief, a way to numb difficult emotions or fill an emotional void. It’s a coping mechanism that helps you get through times of stress, loneliness, or boredom.
It’s also an enemy that leaves you feeling guilty, ashamed, and out of control. This dual nature makes it incredibly challenging to break free from binge eating.
Understand that binge eating is not just a behavior but a complex emotional response. So, first recognize the comfort it gives and then acknowledge the harm it causes.
Understanding the purpose your eating habits serve can help you find healthier ways to meet those same needs.
Step 5. Reframe Negative Self-Talk About Food and Body
The way we talk to ourselves has an enormous impact on our actions and results. Negative self-talk about food and body fuels self-sabotage by eroding our confidence and motivation.
Pay attention to your inner dialogue and practice reframing self-defeating thoughts into more empowering ones.
1. How to Reframe Negative Self-Talk:
Negative self-talk: “I have no willpower. I'll always be a binge eater.”
Reframe: “I'm learning to understand my eating behaviors and develop new coping skills. Every step forward is progress.”
2. How to Reframe Negative Self-Talk:
Negative self-talk: “I'm so disgusting. I don't deserve to be healthy and happy.”
Reframe: “I am worthy of health, happiness, and a peaceful relationship with food, regardless of my size or eating habits.”
3. How to Reframe Negative Self-Talk:
Negative self-talk: “I've already messed up my diet, so I might as well keep bingeing.”
Reframe: “One slip-up doesn't define me. I can make my next choice a healthy one.”
Catch yourself when you engage in negative self-talk about food, eating, or your body. Write down the self-defeating thoughts and consciously reframe them into more encouraging, supportive statements.
With practice, you can retrain your inner dialogue to become your biggest cheerleader instead of your harshest critic.
6. Practice Self-Compassion Around Eating and Body Image
Many of us are far harder on ourselves about our eating habits and bodies than we would ever be on a friend or loved one.
We beat ourselves up for every perceived flaw or “mistake” with food, fueling feelings of shame and unworthiness that lead to more emotional eating.
Learning to treat yourself with kindness and compassion is crucial for overcoming self-defeating behaviors.
Practice speaking to yourself as you would a dear friend struggling with their eating or body image. When you overeat or binge, respond with understanding rather than harsh self-criticism.
Remind yourself that everyone struggles with food sometimes and that your worth isn't determined by what or how much you eat.
How to cultivate Self-Compassion:
- Use kind, gentle language when talking about your eating habits and body
- Be curious about why you’re turning to food instead of focusing on what you’re eating
- Treat yourself with care and curiosity when you're having a hard time with food
- Let go of unrealistic expectations of perfect eating or an ideal body
The more compassionate and understanding you can be with yourself, the less likely you'll be to engage in self-sabotaging eating behaviors.
Self-compassion gives you the resilience to keep making healthy choices, even when you have setbacks.
7. Set Realistic Goals for Your Eating and Health
Perfectionism is often the root of self-sabotage in eating. When we set impossibly high standards for our diets or bodies, we often get overwhelmed and give up entirely.
Or we engage in all-or-nothing thinking that leads to cycles of restriction and bingeing.
Instead of expecting perfect eating or rapid weight loss, focus on progress and sustainable changes. Set realistic, achievable goals and break them down into small, manageable steps.
Celebrate your efforts and small wins along the way, like choosing a nourishing snack or eating mindfully for just one meal.
And even better, be very aware of the WHY behind the wish to binge or emotionally eat. After all, it’s about why-power, not willpower.
Start Your Binge Eating Self-Help Journey Today!
Overcoming self-sabotage with emotional and binge eating is a journey of self-discovery and growth.
It's about understanding the deeper psychological reasons behind your eating behaviors and learning to meet your emotional needs in healthier ways.
By addressing the root causes of self-sabotage – including hidden fears, internal conflicts, and unmet emotional needs – you can transform your eating behaviors into catalysts for personal growth.
With awareness, understanding, and consistent effort, you can overcome self-defeating patterns and create a peaceful, nourishing relationship with food.
You have everything you need within you to heal your relationship with food and your body. Believe in yourself, take inspired action, and never give up on your journey to health and well-being.
Frequently Asked Questions
If you're navigating the challenging path of overcoming binge eating and self-sabotage, you likely have many questions.
Let’s address some of the most common concerns and uncertainties that arise during the journey toward healthier eating habits and a more positive relationship with food.
Whether you're just starting out or looking for deeper insights, these answers can guide you through your self-help journey.
1. Why do I keep sabotaging my efforts to eat healthier?
Self-sabotage often stems from deep-seated fears, internal conflicts, or unmet emotional needs.
You might fear failure, success, or losing a coping mechanism like comfort eating. Understanding these underlying factors is key to breaking the cycle of self-sabotage.
2. How can I start managing my binge eating on my own?
Begin by recognizing your triggers, whether they are emotional, environmental, or situational.
Developing healthier coping mechanisms, practicing mindful eating, and reframing negative self-talk are also essential steps in managing binge eating.
Consider keeping a food and mood journal to track patterns and progress.
3. Can binge eating be overcome without professional help?
While professional help can be invaluable, many people successfully manage binge eating through self-help strategies.
These include understanding the psychological roots of your behavior, setting realistic goals, and practicing self-compassion.
However, if binge eating is severely impacting your life, seeking professional support is recommended.
4. How long does it take to break free from binge eating and self-sabotage?
The journey to overcoming binge eating varies for each individual. It’s important to be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process.
Progress may come in small steps, and setbacks are a natural part of the journey. With consistent effort and the right strategies, significant changes can be made over time.
5. How do I deal with the guilt and shame that follow a binge?
Guilt and shame are common after a binge, but they often lead to more self-sabotage. It's important to practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism.
Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that recovery is not about perfection. Reflect on what led to the binge, learn from the experience, and remind yourself that each moment is an opportunity to make a different choice.
The Author
Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin is a renowned author and podcast host and one of the nation’s leading psychoanalysts known for the psychology of eating. Her signature message of, “It’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating ‘at’ you” has resonated with hundreds of thousands of listeners from around the globe in 40 countries. As founder of The Binge Cure Method, she guides emotional eaters to create lasting food freedom so they can take back control of their lives and feel good in their bodies.
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