Do you ever wish you could just be done with feelings? Just get rid of them?
Today I’m going to tell you exactly how to do that.
The other day I was at a party and someone asked, “What’s the point of expressing these feelings? It’s not going to change anything.”
She was telling me the details of her really brutal divorce. I mean, this divorce was nasty. There’s parental alienation, secret bank accounts, maybe even another woman in the picture – all kinds of vicious and awful things are happening between these two people who once loved each other. Very sad.
For example she said, “Yeah, he told the kids that she only want them so he’ll have to pay more money in child support.”
But the way she was talking about it, she might as well have been discussing a trip to the mall or talking about the weather.
So I pointed this out and she said, “Well, what’s the point of getting upset? It’s going to change anything. I’m still getting a divorce.”
And that’s true, expressing your feelings won’t change the situation.
But guess what? We don’t express feelings to change a situation. We express them to feel better, or differently, about the situation.
The best example I have is kind of morbid, but just about everyone can relate. When someone dies (and most of us have lost someone), we mourn, we grieve.
We don’t say, “What’s the point of grieving our loss? It won’t bring the dead person back to life.”
No. We grieve, we mourn, we cry, or we even celebrate the person’s life because it helps us come to terms with our loss, it helps us feel better.
If you don’t express your feelings, they don’t go away. They’re still there. And you might use food as a way of distracting, numbing or even expressing those feelings. Like, getting mad at yourself for eating too much, instead of getting mad at someone who’s upsetting you.
As counterintuitive as it sounds, the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually FEEL them. Expressing feelings doesn’t change the situation; but it does help us feel differently about that situation.
When you feel better, you’re at peace and don’t need food to numb out.
And that’s how you win the diet war.