Transcript
Announcer:
You're listening to the Dr. Nina Show with Dr. Savelle-Rocklin. Only on LA Talk Radio.
Dr. Nina:
Hi there, welcome to the Dr. Nina show here on LA Talk Radio. I'm your host, Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin, and I am here to help you stop counting calories, carbs and fat grams so you can easily get to a healthy weight and get on with your life.
I would love to hear what is on your mind, what is weighing on you. If you would like to call in and talk with me today, the number is 323-203-0815. I would love to hear what is eating at you, because that is the real problem with binge eating, stress eating, any kind of emotional eating. The real problem is not what you're eating, it is what is eating at you.
I am just starting a new policy, though. I have some things to say first. And then, when I'm done talking about that, you are welcome to call. The number is 323-203-0815. What I want to talk about today is exercise. Everyone's telling me like, “Oh, have my New Year's resolution, I'm going to exercise, I'm going to get out there. It's the one thing that I can do to get out of the house. I can get out and exercise and that's my New Year's resolution. And yet, I know I'm going to fail.” I've heard this from so many people. “I know I'm going to fail. It's what I want to do.”
Okay, so I developed five new rules about exercise that may surprise you. And I want to go through them because you might have a different view of exercise when I'm done. My hope is that you will. First of all, I should say that I hate, hate with a passion, going to the gym. Even before the pandemic, I was not a fan of the gym. Like, spin class, spin class, the idea of spin class makes me cringe, just the idea of it. All I can think about are squeaking bikes that make me wince because it's like nails on a chalkboard to hear that screechy, squeaking, awful sound.
And then, there's some ripped instructor screaming encouragement to move faster and, “Yeah, you got this girl!” Uh. I just want to say, “Stop yelling at me. Please. I don't have this and I don't want this. I want to leave.” Not a fan of spin class. Zumba classes, it makes me feel like I am back in high school with mean girls in perfect gym outfits with their, “We belong and you don't,” kind of attitudes. Not a fan of that.
The gym is not my thing. But here is what I love. What I absolutely love, which is ice skating. Can't do that anymore, unfortunately. I love power walking with my BFF. I love walking with her and just catching up, at a six feet distance, of course, wearing masks. I like weight training at home, I love the mirror. I have the mirror and it is the best thing ever. I can do whatever I want from the comfort of my own home and it is amazing. I can do all of that all day long, it is super fun. It is effortless, it does not feel like I am going to… It doesn't feel like exercise. It just feels fun.
The moral of the story is that exercise is not about torturing yourself. It is about having fun, being healthy, and feeling good. It's about finding what you love and doing that instead of forcing yourself to do something you don't love in the interest of health. Here are my five new rules about exercise. Rule number one. Rule number one, work out because you want to be stronger and feel healthier, not because you ate chocolate. Rule number two, exercise to feel good, not to look good. Rule number three, you don't have to break a sweat. If you are moving, it counts.
A lot of people tell me, “Well, no, that's not exercise, because I wasn't gasping for breath and sweat wasn't rolling down my forehead.” No, you know what? Walking is still exercise. Rule number four, don't exercise now just so you can eat pasta or drink wine or have dessert later. And rule number five, find something you love and keep doing it. It'll feel like running or it'll feel like walking or dancing or weightlifting or playing tennis or biking or swimming or rollerblading or roller skating. It will not feel like exercising.
Because when you change your mindset about exercise, you will have a lot more fun and you will be a lot more fit. Let me know which rule jumps out to you the most. Call me, let me know. Let me know what else is going on in your mind. Okay. And again, that number is 323-203-0815. I have some questions here about what people are struggling with. These are things that people posted on my Dr. Nina's “Food For Thought” Community. And I thought if it affects them, it probably affects a lot of people, so I want to share some of the things that people are struggling with.
Tony is struggling with compulsive eating. Well, when it comes to compulsive eating or any kind of emotional eating. Hi, Josh, thanks, I hope you're doing well, too. That was Josh on Instagram. That sounded so random if you're listening to this, you're probably thinking, “Wait, what is she talking about?” Tony is struggling with compulsive eating. Tony, remember if you are struggling with compulsive eating, if you are turning to food, you are turning away from something else.
If you are not going to eat, what would you be thinking about? What are you feeling? What do you want? What are you yearning for? What is going on within you that food is resolving in that moment? Because people think that they are being triggered by the food. “Oh, I just can't stop eating X.” No, something is going on within you and you're eating X, Y, Z, in order to distract, numb, avoid, turn emotional pain to physical pain in the case of people who eat so much their stomach hurts.
There is a reason that you are turning to food and that is that there is a reason that you're turning to food and you got to look at what that reason is. Tony, ask yourself if you could not go to the kitchen or go to the drive-through or wherever, you couldn't eat, what would you think about? What would be bothering you? What would you feel? What is so uncomfortable that you can't be within that moment?
Celeste says she feels like she should eat healthier, and she should. She never eats vegetables, et cetera. And I would say, “Well, I would wonder if you're not doing something you think you should do, why?” Maybe it's as simple as you don't like vegetables. And maybe it's as simple as something like that. I would say, is it just that you think you should eat something that you don't really like? Or is it that you're rebelling against it? Something is going on with you that is making you not want to eat the thing, the healthy food that you should. And I think we have a caller. Welcome caller. Who's this?
Karlygash:
Good morning. This is Karlygash.
Dr. Nina:
Hi, Karlygash. How are you doing?
Karlygash:
I'm doing actually good today. Yeah, a couple of words about exercising that I totally agree with you. I used to stress myself out over exercising. Looking at other people in the gym. And like, I'm the person who doesn't sweat much, even if I do yoga or like trainer, like I hardly break a sweat, that's my body. And I used to look at other people and like go, “Oh, my God, they are working so hard. I must be under working or under exercising myself.” But then, I'm like, I'm just not sweating. And I felt like what I like, walking, dancing, things like that.
And this past week, I didn't walk because I walk every day like six, eight miles a day. And I started thinking, “I'm not working out. I'm not walking.” And then, I thought… I started, doubted my exercising. I'm like, “Okay, I walked six, eight miles a day, but I don't walk briskly and I get benefits only when I walk briskly.” And then, I found somewhere that any exercise is good. Oh, I was looking to your post on Facebook about exercising. And I was like, “Am I thinking the right way about my exercising? I'm moving, it's better than previously I did nothing.” I totally agree with you that we need to find, I need to find what works best for me.
Dr. Nina:
Exactly.
Karlygash:
And I need to stop comparing myself to others, in terms of exercising, too.
Dr. Nina:
“Comparison is the thief of joy,” said Theodore Roosevelt many years ago, and he was absolutely right. The only person that you want to compare yourself to if you are doing any comparison, is to yourself. And to listen to your body. You're walking eight miles a day, some days that might feel good. Some days, that might be too much. And any kind of movement is good and is healthy, so I love that you are being more compassionate with yourself and less of a slave driver.
Karlygash:
Yeah, because I started slave driving myself saying, again, with your voice, like, “You haven't been walking already for a week.” And I used to walk four months straight, almost not missing a day. And then, I said, “You know what? I was so weak this weak and it was a hard working week and plus, I just felt weak. And Jesus, I have like chronic Lyme disease, no wonder that my body, sometimes I wake up, I wake up in a completely new body every day.” And when I wake up, I first check, am I breathing? Am I hearing today well? Am I smelling stuff, like can I move? And then, I just said, “You know what? I need some times a break from walking maybe, too. And it's okay. I can get back on track. I did it many times.”
And immediately, I started thinking, “Oh, I'm binging, I'm not exercising. I'm going to put on weight.” And I started measuring myself and already those thoughts trickled in. “Oh, I need to cut on this. I need to cut on that.” That, which is unhealthy. I understand it's not [crosstalk 00:12:12].
Dr. Nina:
Karlygash, that just goes to my rule number four, don't exercise now just so that you can eat pasta or drink wine or have dessert later. That exercise alone doesn't cause weight loss. Guys, the way to lose weight is not to exercise because for many reasons. And one of them is that a lot of people say, “Well, I exercised so I can eat whatever.” And they overestimate how many calories that they burn and all of that. You actually end up thinking that you've earned these calories and you end up overeating. Karlygash, I am so glad that you are cultivating a healthier, happier response to yourself and that you're more of a cheerleader and less of a slave driver. And thank you so much for letting us know that today you're in a good space of being kinder and gentler to yourself.
Because when that happens, you feel good, you're not going to use food to make yourself feel better. You already feel good. Because you are being there for yourself. And that's a wonderful way to be. Thank you, Karlygash, and have a very happy holiday.
Karlygash:
Thank you very much. I am still learning this treating myself kindly and that it's a standard. I'm learning, getting better, thank you very much. And-
Dr. Nina:
And what… you're doing it.
Karlygash:
I just want to quickly add just was the second part. Can I just very briefly?
Dr. Nina:
Yes, I have callers behind you, but yes, go ahead.
Karlygash:
Thank you very much. You said to Josh, if you couldn't binge, there was no food, what would you do? Like, what would you think about? That happened to me yesterday, I wanted to binge, but I had no… my binge put in the cart, so I had to drive home. And I had this gap. And I was thinking, “Do I have to do this? Am I that powerless and hopeless?” And by the time I got to my parking, I already didn't want to binge, instead, I pulled out one of your handouts, Cookies Don't Cure Feelings. I just filled it, expressed my feelings, shared in the group, and I just went home, did my thing and went to bed. And I didn't binge. And I was like, “Huh, it's actually possible.”
Dr. Nina:
[crosstalk 00:15:10]. That makes me so happy. [Ronan 00:15:13], what's that makes me so happy sound effect that you can put in here? Because that makes me so happy. Yes.
Karlygash:
Aw.
Dr. Nina:
There's some applause. Well, thank you so much for sharing that Karlygash. And I'm so glad that you were able to take that time to check-in with yourself, to do the handout. And the handout she's referring to is from my Binge-Free Babes. And to be able to process that feeling instead of using food to numb and escape. That is huge. You're more than learning. Karlygash, you are doing.
Karlygash:
Aw, thank you. Yeah, like once you said it, I'm actually doing it, right? [crosstalk 00:16:04]. One step at a time. Thank you so much for teaching me that and I really appreciate it and I wish you happy holidays. Happy past Hanukkah and to all your callers, I wish Happy New Year and be kind to ourselves and listen to your show.
Dr. Nina:
Thank you, Karlygash, and a Merry Christmas and I will… I'm having a show next week so I can talk to you before the new year.
Karlygash:
Oh, that's right.
Dr. Nina:
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
Karlygash:
Thank you.
Dr. Nina:
And thank you for calling to share such progress. I love it.
Karlygash:
Thank you.
Dr. Nina:
Bye for now.
Karlygash:
Take care. Okay.
Dr. Nina:
Okay. Ronan, do we have another caller in the wings? Hello? Hi caller.
Aria:
Hello?
Dr. Nina:
Hi caller.
Aria:
Hello. Hi, Dr. Nina, how are you?
Dr. Nina:
I am well, thank you. What's your name?
Aria:
[Aria 00:17:07]. I've called in before.
Dr. Nina:
Oh, yes. It's been quite a while.
Aria:
Yeah.
Dr. Nina:
Nice to hear from you.
Aria:
Thanks, I have the day off so I thought I'd check-in.
Dr. Nina:
Well, what's going on, Aria? How can I help?
Aria:
This pandemic has been really rough. It would be the understatement, right? But I've been working from home mostly and I really thought, “Oh, I'm going to have all this extra time, I'm going to be on the treadmill every day, I'm going to be eating so healthy. By the time I get back to work, I'm going to be so skinny.” And just like the complete opposite has happened. I always thought that the reason I struggle with my weight… well, it's not the only reason. But one of them was stress from work, not enough time, like just getting home too tired.
And it's just been so challenging. And then, the other part is that I feel like I really disconnected who I am to my physical self. It's like, I really got into mindfulness about not judging myself and not judging others. Like, if other people judge my body, it's their problem. But I almost kind of took that I think too far. Because people that really find mindfulness, they also follow mindful eating, they're in tune with their bodies.
And instead, I feel like I've just kind of picked and chosen just certain elements. And so, I don't know. It's almost like, “Well, I don't care what my body looks like.” And even though I know that I'm supposed to exercise because it's supposed to make me feel good, that's never really been my experience. I've never had that runner's high that people seem to have or feel amazing after exercising. It's always like, “Well, I did that because I had to.”
Dr. Nina:
It's an obligation.
Aria:
Yeah. And then, I don't know it's almost like it was helpful for me when I cared what other people cared about my body, or when I thought people cared. I'm sure they didn't, but in my head. I was talking to a friend the other day and when I was 19 I had spent the night with somebody and in the morning, I went to the bathroom and did a full face of makeup before I went back to bed.
And obviously, I was 19, I was an insecure teenager. But there was also that part of me that cared. And now, it's just like, whatever, nobody sees me, I can't date. The people that I work with, it's all women and I can't date clients, so it's like, “Who cares? Whatever.” And it's just like my physical body can just be like this ambivalence that I don't know how to get out of.
Dr. Nina:
Well, if you are… Say more about ambivalence. Because it sounds more like abandonment than ambivalence. First, I want to say something about you and your body because it's almost like you're talking about two different entities. There's you and there's your body and I think you alluded to that a little bit in the beginning. Rather than your body is yours. Your body is not a separate entity. Your body is you. Like, you and your body are one. But when you have this idea that your body is this other, it's easier to mistreat it, to attack it, to hate it, to neglect it, which is I think what you're saying, that you are neglecting your body and yourself and that you're in this space of not caring. And I think you've mentioned… Haven't you mentioned that you have a dog?
Aria:
Yes. Willow. She's a Husky. White Husky.
Dr. Nina:
Yes, okay, so Willow. How you take care of Willow. What if you took care of yourself the same way?
Aria:
Yeah, you know what's interesting? It's like I feel like I've taken better care of myself in every other way other than my body. Like, I'm doing acoustic meet-up groups on Zoom, so I got back into my music, I'm socializing more, ironically. I have therapy, like I feel like I'm doing all of… I'm taking singing lessons. It's like I'm doing so much more during this pandemic for my emotional health, and then, like you said, my body just got neglected.
And it's funny that you bring up Willow, too, because she is less like other dogs. I've had other dogs, they're like vacuums, they'll eat anything, right? Willow is like she is so in tune with her body. If you have a plate of Kibble and chicken, if she's not hungry, she won't eat it. And it's so interesting. She's a mindful eater. Isn't that ironic for a dog?
Dr. Nina:
She probably knows that if she wants it, she can get it. As opposed to, if you can't… A lot of dogs eat everything because if they don't, that it's going to be taken away from them. And so, dogs learn, okay, I better eat it all now.
Aria:
Right.
Dr. Nina:
They have the anticipation of deprivation. Sounds like Willow doesn't. Mindfulness is very on the surface. In fact, Josh on Instagram is saying, “When we're working with mindfulness, we can't forget trauma.” Mindfulness is one layer and mindfulness is important. And it is good to be mindful. Mindful as in your conscious mind and what you know to be true. Trauma is deeper and not every situation has its roots in trauma. But often, trauma which you cannot heal from mindfulness, can affect you.
And so, working with a therapist, is there a time when you felt neglected? Where you felt abandoned? Where you felt unimportant? That you have internalized and are now treating your body in that way?
Aria:
I really haven't. I feel, it seems so silly, I mean, not silly. I don't want to judge it. But the main trauma that I've had in my life is just like some heartbreak in relationships, but it was pretty… well now, minor. It was a long time ago. But even after that, I was still able to go to the gym and take care of what I ate. And I don't know, I feel it's almost like when I started my career that I just kind of felt like I was just taking care of other people's emotional health so much.
And I think that has been affecting me this year. Because even though I'm working from home, there's a lot less no shows. I'm a therapist, by the way. And so, a lot of times, people that call in for therapy, they don't know what they want out of it, and so I feel like I have to… I'm already burnt out. And so then, having to hear, like having to prompt people and having to pull teeth to get them to talk or having people be frustrated and irritated about the system, about not getting appointments sooner, like all of that stuff which is out of my control is just kind of like I've definitely have had moments this year where I'm like, “I don't care about your problems.” I would never say this.
But in my head, “I don't care about your problems. I just want to not have to work.” And I've had to take some mental health days, like I can't, one more person. I'm sure you've… maybe you have felt that way, as well.
Dr. Nina:
No. I don't. I don't because I've never actually felt that way. I'm more curious about… and everyone has a different process, right? I'm not saying, “Oh, why can't you be like me?” But I think that what you do is give and give and give and give and give, and take care of everybody else and then you take your frustration out on yourself, maybe. Or eating or you don't take care of yourself. You take care of everybody else but not you. And [crosstalk 00:26:20].
Aria:
I guess I'm kind of wondering is why is it I can take care of myself like getting back into my music, which I hadn't done in 10 years, socializing more, reaching out to friends, and then my physical body, like you said, it's like this other. How can I integrate that a little bit more into who I am? Where did I lose that? I used to care about everything about myself.
Dr. Nina:
Well, care versus criticize, so I would recommend that perhaps go further back in your life. Maybe there was a time before you started working or before where you felt for whatever reason a burden to others. Or it's almost like what you're describing is you can't, like it's too much to take care of. It's too much to take care of your body. And I would be curious about, and I don't know if this resonates with you at all, but I would be curious about, is there ever a time when you felt you were too much or taking care of you was too much? And that you have internalized that and are repeating it to yourself. That would be my guess.
Aria:
I really haven't. This feels really new and I'm 41. Why is this happening now?
Dr. Nina:
Because you're home all the time.
Aria:
Yeah, like growing up-
Dr. Nina:
There's something about being home all the time that might be activating this. And when is the last time that you were home all the time? When you were a kid.
Aria:
Yeah, I feel like this is more new. I kind of struggled with eating here and there, but like I said, I would still go to the gym three times a week. I would still… I never felt like my physical self was this other. I felt like that happened this year, like where I just kind of separated it. And everything that I thought would happen didn't.
I thought, “Oh, I'm going to have so much extra time. Going to be working out every day, I'm going to just be taking such good care of myself.” And instead, it's just like, I just want to watch Netflix and play guitar and do everything other than move.
Dr. Nina:
Well, maybe there's also a little bit too much of a set up of this idea that you're going to have… You had this fantasy of how it was going to be and you were going to get all these things done. And instead, you're actually, maybe you're listening to yourself, but if you see exercise as an obligation and a chore, of course you don't want to do it.
Aria:
Right.
Dr. Nina:
If you take Willow on a walk, is that a chore?
Aria:
Yeah. I mean, it causes me a lot of anxiety, but I do it for her.
Dr. Nina:
Why does it cause you anxiety?
Aria:
I've had some traumatic issues with loose dogs, some scary neighbors.
Dr. Nina:
Oh, okay. I can see why. But it's still exercise. You're thinking of it as, “I'm taking my dog for a walk.” But it's still exercise. You are moving.
Aria:
Yeah.
Dr. Nina:
Maybe instead of, “Oh, I'm going to hold up myself up to this ideal of how I should be during this pandemic.” Where, people would be like, “I don't know, my friends have written two screenplays and a book and written a concerto and also started a new home-based business and what's wrong me?” Like, just to have reasonable goals and expectations for yourself so you're not comparing yourself to some idea you had about how you were supposed to be.
Aria:
Yeah, maybe that's it. Because in terms of effort, I love cleaning my house, and that takes a lot of effort. But it's like this immediate result. I clean my house and it looks nice. Or I play a song on guitar, I learn it, and then it sounds nice. Or I bake muffins and then I have something to eat. Whereas, I go on the treadmill, I get off, and I look exactly the same and I don't feel that much better. That immediate kind of reward isn't there for me, which makes it really challenging to do.
Dr. Nina:
Maybe being on the treadmill, the reward is the good feeling. If you don't have the good feeling from being on the treadmill, you got to find something else where after you're done. Don't go on a treadmill because you want to lose weight, go on a treadmill because it's a good feeling in your body after you're done. If you go with the expectation of losing weight, well, you're going to be disappointed. Because actually, even if you were working out on a treadmill every day, five days a week, after a month, I think you'd lose… and you didn't change anything with food. They say you'd lose two pounds.
Dr. Nina:
Exercise is not the way to lose weight. It's all about food. It's 80% food and 90% food, 10% exercising. I'm sure some dietician will write me and tell me that I'm wrong. But overall, it's not a weight loss tool. Do take care of your body with… put on that support. Maybe you just have to force yourself. Put on some mascara, put on a new outfit. Don't go on the treadmill if you don't like it. Just do something and do it for yourself rather than as an obligation and you're going to feel a lot better.
Aria:
Okay. I'm going to give it a try.
Dr. Nina:
Okay, sorry I didn't have any sort of more like epiphany type solution for you. But I do suggest that you really look at that idea of neglecting your body and that indifference to your body and examine, what are the sources of that? Because it's like your body is an other, and your body is not, it's where you live. It's part of you.
Aria:
Right. I wish I could take care of it as much as I take care of my other areas of myself.
Dr. Nina:
Sometimes, you have to start and notice the resistance and then challenge that.
Aria:
Okay. I will. Thank you so much.
Dr. Nina:
Thank you. I'm so glad that you called. And by the way, I should just say, that most therapists do feel what you feel at times, just like drained. And I just look at it as a curiosity or as, “Oh, people can't get mad at other people in their lives, they can get mad at me. I'm a safe person to get mad at.” And that helps me not take it as personally, if that helps.
Aria:
That's actually really helpful. Thank you.
Dr. Nina:
You're welcome. Happy Holidays, Aria.
Aria:
Thanks, Happy Holidays. Bye.
Dr. Nina:
Bye. Okay. Lots going on today. If you want to call in, the number is 323-203-0815. 323-203-0815. Let me know what's going on with you. And I will keep going on the questions for my Food For Thought Community. Maryanne says that she's really struggling with the emotional roller coaster ride of the holidays. And that's true this year more than ever, I think. It's hard at any time to be in that holiday season because it can seem sometimes as if other people have this amazing, Hallmark holiday, perfect postcard, perfect life, Instagram perfect life, and you don't. And everyone else is having a great time and there's so much love and amazing things and they're… Oh, let me finish my thought and then we have another caller. And then, you don't. And that is perfectly normal and this is the time of year where you've got to take care of you more than ever. Hi caller, welcome to the show.
Isabelle:
Hi. Can you hear me?
Dr. Nina:
I can hear you. Who is this? What's your name?
Isabelle:
Hi, this is Isabelle. Sorry, I have really bad service where I'm calling from. Sorry if you can't hear me at a certain point.
Dr. Nina:
I can hear you, Isabelle. What's going on?
Isabelle:
I'm just like I'm really struggling lately. I'm trying to start eating three healthy meals a day. But I don't know, I just can't start. It's terrifying for me and it sounds awful. And I only eat mostly junk food and I really need to change but it's just like really hard.
Dr. Nina:
Okay. One of the things that is really important is to stay curious and not critical. If you are critical and you say, “Oh, I'm eating junk food and what's wrong with me?” Then, you're going to feel bad and you're going to end up eating junk food for comfort later, right?
Dr. Nina:
But if you say, “Okay, why is that I am eating this junk food? I don't want to. I want to eat better. What's going on with me?” Being curious, you have a much better chance of figuring out the why. And let me ask you something, actually. If you weren't focused on… I know you called because you don't want to eat junk food. But if you weren't focused on junk food, what would you have on your mind? What would bother you if you couldn't think about junk food?
Isabelle:
Part of it is definitely that I'm trying to stop, I'm trying to be sober and stop smoking weed. I have eight days sober and I'm also just like, I don't really… I work from home now and I've gained a lot of weight, and I just hate the way I look. It's also that I look in the mirror and hate the way I look and then I'll get sad and then I'll just eat more and it's like-
Dr. Nina:
Okay.
Isabelle:
I don't know.
Dr. Nina:
Pretend I have a magic wand. And my magic wand, which I'm waving over you, wherever in the world you are, I am going to take away all thoughts of food, self-hate, thoughts about weight, thoughts about anything to do with food, weight, body image, anything like that. I know it's hard, because it's so present in your mind. If you could not think about any of those things, what would be on your mind? What are you worried about?
Isabelle:
Well, there's like the staying sober thing. But I haven't been thinking about that too much.
Dr. Nina:
That, too. That's in the same realm of if you're not thinking about smoking weed or eating or any of that. Because, that can also do the same thing as eating junk food, right? It takes you away from whatever is eating at you. If you're not thinking about food or weed or body image or if you can't attack yourself, what's on your mind?
Isabelle:
I don't know. I feel like I just think about what an awful person I am. I know there's a lot worse people, but I think I'm an awful person.
Dr. Nina:
What makes you an awful person?
Isabelle:
Part of it is because of the weed, I've just been ignoring everyone in my life. And I just think about the past, I think about anytime I was ever mean to someone. And I'm just obsessed with thinking of reasons why I'm awful.
Dr. Nina:
Okay. I'm going to give my magic wand even greater powers. You can't turn against yourself and think anything negative about yourself, what's on your mind?
Isabelle:
I don't know. Maybe just that I'm really stagnant in life, not doing anything with myself. I just sit around on my computer all day. I don't know.
Dr. Nina:
Okay. Maybe feeling stuck in life? Bored? Something along those lines?
Isabelle:
Yeah, definitely.
Dr. Nina:
All right. Isabelle, I am going to suggest to you that you are distracting yourself from wanting more in life, perhaps? Feeling unsettled about where you are, feeling stuck, feeling stagnant, as you put it, by either smoking weed or eating or thinking about it or beating yourself up or that you have learned that this toxic relationship with yourself and with food and weed, which takes you away from your mean voice. By the way, I live in California, there is a dispensary every two blocks. You're not a bad… If smoking weed makes you a bad person, let me tell you, then the entire State of California, much of the population of California is full of bad people.
Dr. Nina:
Because, there are a lot of people in those weed dispensaries, which is legal here. You are using this idea of yourself as a bad person and focusing on the fact that you're eating junk food and the fact that you're coping with weed and food to distract from feeling stuck in life. Would you say that that resonates?
Isabelle:
Yeah, definitely. And I mean, yeah, it's definitely not the weed that makes me a bad person. It's the fact that when I was smoking it, I would just sit in the basement, where I would just like disassociating, not talking to anyone. Not talking to friends who need my support or a lot of old people that I'm friends with that I just would ignore. And I feel like that makes me a bad person when I'm not there for other people, you know?
Dr. Nina:
Okay, well, maybe you have to challenge this black and white idea of what makes you a good person that you were struggling with something and you weren't showing up for other people as much as you want to. Which by the way, a good person is someone who feels bad about not showing up for other people. Perhaps, you want to challenge this idea of yourself as a bad person or a good person. We can't always do good things. We can't always show up for other people when we are having to deal with these… when we're depressed or anxious or whatever.
My recommendation, Isabelle, it's so important for you to challenge this idea about good versus bad and have a more nuanced and layered view of yourself. And if you're feeling stagnant and stuck in your life, take a look at that. What does it take to get you unstuck? How are you stuck? What's keeping you stuck? These are the things to focus on, rather than junk food, not junk food, which distracts you from the core, root issue, which is feeling stuck in your life.
Isabelle:
Yeah. Yeah, that definitely resonates. One of part of why I feel so stagnant is because even like for example, I bought some groceries last week and most of it was junk food and then I got Clementines, too. But I just would look at the Clementines every day and just despise them and was afraid of them. Because I like Clementines, they're fine, but just because they're healthy, I'd put all this energy around them.
Isabelle:
And it's like I like Clementines but because they're healthy, I was like, “Oh, like I'm not going to eat that.” I feel like I'm an all or nothing person. If I'm only eating junk food, then it's like, “Oh, what's the point of even eating-“
Dr. Nina:
What it sounds like is that you feel guilty because you think you're a bad person because you're not showing up for people the way you think you should or could. And part of that, if you're a guilty person, you got to punish yourself. And you're punishing yourself with junk food and not healthy food. And then, these toxic thoughts that you're having about yourself, and then, it's a vicious cycle. That is why getting to the root issue, which in your case is what's keeping you stagnant in life, from a position of interest and curiosity and self-care, rather than criticism and getting mad at yourself, and being able to check-in with yourself, absolve yourself of this black and white idea that you're a bad person or a good person based on what you're giving at any given point in time.
And work on being a cheerleader to yourself, getting yourself unstuck. What is one thing you can do to get yourself unstuck? Besides, be curious and not critical. What is one action you can take?
Isabelle:
I could I don't know like try to do something good for myself today instead of just sitting in my messy apartment. I could clean it.
Dr. Nina:
Okay.
Isabelle:
Or try to do some stretching, like basic things like that, I don't know.
Dr. Nina:
Can you take 15 minutes and clear off a desk or a countertop? A lot of times with messy apartments or messy houses, people are like, “Oh, I've got to clean my whole house.” And it's so daunting and then they never do it and then they feel bad about not doing it. That's why you got to break it down into manageable parts. Can you clean off a countertop, for example? If you have a messy countertop. Is that doable?
Isabelle:
Yeah, that's actually perfect. There's one countertop, it's like the biggest problem in my life. All of it's just like, maybe I should try to do something about it.
Dr. Nina:
Okay. You can do that and that's something you can do. And then, taking the attitude of, “I'm going to be my own best friend. I'm going to be a friend to myself. I am not going to be such a toxic bitch to myself.” If a friend of yours said, “Hey, I'm really going through something and I just don't have the wherewithal to show up for these old people and these other people that I know who are going through so much. I just feel so drained.” You wouldn't look at your friend, would you, and say, “Wow, you are a really bad person,” would you?
Isabelle:
No.
Dr. Nina:
No. Of course not. Have some compassion and have some again like nuanced view of it and not so mean. And I guarantee you, you're going to feel better. And when you feel better, you're not going to be so focused on food. And you're not going to… And if you don't feel like a bad person who would punish herself with food. And you're going to have a clean countertop, so it's going to be amazing.
Isabelle:
Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I already feel a little bit less obsessed and trapped in the junk food just from this conversation and talking about it. It definitely helps to talk about it.
Dr. Nina:
I am so happy to hear that. And please, Isabelle, call back and let me know how you're doing. I'm here every Wednesday at 11 AM Pacific.
Isabelle:
Awesome. Thank you so much.
Dr. Nina:
Let me know how you are. You are so welcome. Take good care.
Isabelle:
Okay. Bye, thank you.
Dr. Nina:
Bye. And that is our show for today. Everyone, thank you so much for joining me here on the Dr. Nina Show, here on LA Talk Radio and Instagram Live. I'm here every Wednesday at 11 AM Pacific, here on LA Talk Radio. You can also listen later on Apple Podcast or anywhere that you get podcasts. And by the way, if you would like to join my Dr. Nina's Food For Thought Community, it is my free Facebook community, just go on Facebook, do a search for Dr. Nina's Food For Thought Community and join us. And you can ask me questions and I can answer you there or on the show.
Dr. Nina:
And I want to wish you, for those of you who are celebrating Christmas, Merry Christmas. Happy Chrisma-Kwanzaa-ca. Happy Holidays and I will see you right back here next week. See you then. Bye-bye.
Announcer:
You're listening to the Dr. Nina Show, with Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin. Only on LA Talk Radio.
