Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin
Desperate to Lose Weight? Overcome the 3 Mental Blocks Holding You Back
If you're desperate to lose weight, you might focus on diet and exercise. But what if the real barriers to weight loss aren't about food? In my work, I constantly see three significant mental blocks that can sabotage weight loss efforts:
- Fear of change
- Unrealistic expectations
- A sense of hopelessness
Understanding these mental blocks to weight loss is important to achieve a successful weight loss journey. Addressing these blocks will shift your mindset and help you create a healthier relationship with food and yourself.
Table of Contents
- The Surprising Truth About Fear and Weight Loss
- The Fantasy Trap: When Weight Loss Becomes Magical Thinking
- The Fantasy Trap: When Weight Loss Becomes Magical Thinking
- Managing Weight Loss and Binge Eating Disorder
- Desperate to Lose Weight: Frequently Asked Questions
The Surprising Truth About Fear and Weight Loss
The first barrier is fear—specifically, the fear of change that comes with losing weight. Logically, you may not experience any fear or anxiety about weight loss.
Most people consciously seek to change their physical appearance and improve their health. They imagine they’ll be thrilled when they reach their ideal weight. Yet, unconsciously, they often have deeper concerns.
One memorable moment in my practice was with a young woman who was over 100 pounds overweight. Looking at me with tears in her eyes, she said something that perfectly captured this mental block: “I don't know who I will be if I lose this weight; I'm afraid I won't be as huggable.”
For her, the weight represented her identity, her way of being in the world. This fear of losing herself through weight loss was keeping her stuck.
How Fear Can Surface After Weight Loss
Let me share another fascinating example that illustrates how fear can manifest unexpectedly. A client who had successfully lost weight was initially thrilled – she could wear anything she wanted, was more active, and radiated happiness.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she started having unsettling dreams. Every night, she'd dream about numerical dates, like watching an old-fashioned newsreel: January 3, 2000, August 21, 1947, and October 29, 1984.
These dates would loom toward her, getting bigger and more ominous, filling her with overwhelming panic. She was so unnerved by these dreams she began binge eating at night again.
At first, we tried to understand what these specific dates meant. The October 29th date was the same as the stock market crash, but the year was different. She had no association with these particular dates and couldn't understand why they were causing such distress.
Then I had an epiphany: The dates in her dream were “dates,” as in dating. She had recently signed up for an online dating site – something she'd never done before losing weight.
Consciously, she was excited about the prospect of meeting someone, getting into a loving relationship, and possibly starting a family. But unconsciously, it was terrifying.
The hidden parts of her mind expressed a fear of dating by converting dates into scary numerical dates, overwhelming and threatening her.
When we explored her fears about relationships, we discovered she worried about losing herself in a relationship and sacrificing herself to be with another person–exactly what she had witnessed in her parents' marriage.
After processing her fears about relationships, the nightmares stopped. Her bingeing, which she had been using as a way of protecting herself (if she gained weight, she would not go on dates and risk romantic connection), stopped, too.
It's really fascinating how our minds are capable of symbolically manifesting our fears and emotions. By addressing these underlying issues head on and working through them, you can break free forever.
The Fantasy Trap: When Weight Loss Becomes Magical Thinking
The second mental block is the belief that achieving your goal weight will lead to a flawless life. I often hear statements like, “When I lose weight, I'll be confident and happy. I’ll have more friends, and life will be great.” While this idea is certainly enticing, it's ultimately an illusion.
The diet industry promotes the fantasy that weight loss will magically solve all our problems. The reality is that when you lose weight, you'll still be you–just in a smaller body. Your core personality remains unchanged regardless of your physical appearance.
In reality, self-worth and happiness come from within, not from a number on the scale. You set yourself up for disappointment and frustration by holding onto unrealistic expectations of how weight loss will change your life.
The Fantasy Trap: When Weight Loss Becomes Magical Thinking
The second mental block is the belief that achieving your goal weight will lead to a flawless life. I often hear statements like, “When I lose weight, I'll be confident and happy. I’ll have more friends, and life will be great.” While this idea is certainly enticing, it's ultimately an illusion.
The diet industry promotes the fantasy that weight loss will magically solve all our problems. The reality is that when you lose weight, you'll still be you–just in a smaller body. Your core personality remains unchanged regardless of your physical appearance.
In reality, self-worth and happiness come from within, not from a number on the scale. You set yourself up for disappointment and frustration by holding onto unrealistic expectations of how weight loss will change your life.
Managing Weight Loss and Binge Eating Disorder
When people express a desire to lose weight while struggling with binge eating disorder, they're often told to focus solely on “recovery” and forget about weight concerns entirely.
Yet it’s both possible and understandable to have weight-related health goals. Your wish to feel comfortable in your body can coexist with your work to heal from emotional eating.
The key is approaching weight loss from a place of self-care rather than self-punishment, focusing first on developing a peaceful relationship with food, understanding your triggers, and processing the emotions behind binge eating.
You're allowed to want multiple things for your health simultaneously, even if the path to achieving them requires careful navigation.
Take a moment to reflect: which of these mental blocks resonates with you? By creating new, healthier perspectives, you can feel better about yourself and encourage yourself. When you comfort and encourage yourself, the urge to use food to numb or escape painful emotions diminishes.
Consider these questions:
- What specifically do you fear might change if you lose weight?
- What are you hoping weight loss will do for your life?
- Where does your sense of hopelessness come from?
Sustainable weight loss isn't about willpower or being “good enough.” It's about understanding what's behind your relationship with food and addressing those root causes.
By addressing these mental blocks and nurturing your emotional well-being, you pave the way for sustainable change. The key is understanding that your weight loss struggle isn't about a lack of knowledge or willpower – it's about unconscious blocks that need recognition and processing.
Want to learn more about breaking free from these mental blocks? Watch my video “3 Mental Blocks to Weight Loss” for additional insights and strategies. Together, we can transform your relationship with food by addressing what's keeping you stuck.
Desperate to Lose Weight: Frequently Asked Questions
Weight loss can feel like an uphill battle, especially when hidden mental blocks hold you back. In this section, we address some common questions about the emotional and psychological aspects of weight loss, helping you uncover insights and practical steps to transform both your mindset and your journey. Questions.
1. Why do I feel stuck in my weight loss journey?
Many people struggle with mental barriers such as fear of change, unrealistic expectations, or feelings of hopelessness.
These blocks often operate unconsciously, making it challenging to recognize them. Identifying and addressing these issues is key to moving forward.
2. How can fear prevent me from losing weight?
Fear can manifest in unexpected ways, such as anxiety about how weight loss might change your identity or relationships. For some, fear of success or failure can also lead to self-sabotage. Understanding the root of your fear can help you overcome it.
3. What are unrealistic expectations about weight loss?
Unrealistic expectations include the belief that losing weight will solve all your problems or make you a completely different person. While weight loss can improve physical health, true happiness and confidence come from within, not from a number on the scale.
4. How can I deal with feelings of hopelessness about losing weight?
Feelings of hopelessness often stem from a history of failed attempts or negative self-talk. Practicing mindfulness, focusing on small, achievable goals, and seeking support can help shift your perspective and reignite your motivation.
5. What are "baby steps" in weight loss?
Baby steps involve making small, manageable changes to your lifestyle rather than attempting drastic overhauls. These could include addressing your emotional needs, practicing self-compassion, or creating healthy habits one step at a time.
The Author
Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin is a renowned author and podcast host and one of the nation’s leading psychoanalysts known for the psychology of eating. Her signature message of, “It’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating ‘at’ you” has resonated with hundreds of thousands of listeners from around the globe in 40 countries. As founder of The Binge Cure Method, she guides emotional eaters to create lasting food freedom so they can take back control of their lives and feel good in their bodies.
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