Transcript

Dr. Nina:
Hey, there. Welcome to the Dr. Nina Show. You’re on LA Talk Radio. I’m your host, Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin and I am here to help you stop counting calories, carbs, and fat grams so you can easily get to a healthy weight and get on with your life. That is what it is all about. That is my message to you. It really is possible to wake up and think about your day, not your diet.

If you’d like to join me today in the studio, the number is 323-203-0815. That’s 323-203-0815. Because here’s the thing, when it comes to binge eating, stress eating, any kind of emotional eating, the real problem is not food. The real problem is what’s eating at you. It’s not what you’re eating that is the true, true problem. It is what’s eating at you. It is why you’re eating. That’s what we’re here to … When I say we, I mean the royal we. That’s what I am here to help you with. Whatever is bothering you, whatever is going on, whatever is troubling you, causing anxiety, making you mad, anything that is going on with you, let’s hear from you. Call me and let’s work it through so that you can talk it out instead of stuff it down.

Okay. I have a couple of messages, questions from people I’m going to answer. One is from Maya. She says, “I’m not sure if this question makes sense but what does it mean when you switch from binging to purging. Is there some sort of correlation or reason behind switching from one way of disordered eating to another?”

That is a great question, Maya. By the way, it is very common that people switch or not switch but I guess kind of evolve from one to another to another. When I was struggling with eating disorders, back in the day when I was the poster child for eating disorder … I nearly spilled my tea all over my computer. That would not have gone well. Okay. Let me get rid of my tea.

Okay. When I was the poster child for eating disorders, I would go from restricting to eating to binging and purging to restricting and so on. It is a very good question, Maya. Of course, everyone does this for different reasons because people develop eating disorders for reasons that are as unique as they are but let me give you some thoughts.

One is that purging =, if we look at it symbolically, purging is getting rid of something. Binging can be a way of stuffing something down, pushing it down, putting yourself in a state where you are converting emotional pain to physical pain. If you’re eating so much that it hurts, you’re likely converting emotional pain to physical pain.

Binging is also a way of dealing with anxiety and you end up feeling kind of sleepy and not motivated and it’s a way of relaxing in a sense. Binging can mean a lot of different things to different people.

Purging, however, when you then decide to purge what you’ve just binged on or whether you’re purging without binging, that is about getting rid of something. It could be about cleaning yourself out symbolically. People tell me that they feel so clean after they get rid of food. Like getting rid of the messy thoughts and feelings that you have when you purge, whether you’re throwing up or using laxatives or whatever, it’s this idea that you’re getting rid of something within you, that food that you’re getting rid of represents something. It represents messy, dirty, yucky, gross, thoughts, feelings, ideas and so forth.

Maya, I would be curious as to what your thoughts would be about that. What are you trying to get rid of by purging? What is it that you can’t hold inside? What is it that’s unbearable that you have to get rid of? That’s what purging is about. I hope that helps.

I also have a question from Regan. She wants to know how to manage expectations. She said, “How do I manage expectations or get rid of them? Both with yourself and with others. When I don’t live up to an expectation I have of myself, I tend to use my critical voice. When others disappoint my expectation, I use the critical voice on myself as well. Should expectations be eliminated? How? What goes in place of expectations?”

Okay. This is a really great question that I think a lot of people can relate to. [inaudible 00:06:05] word expectations to ideas, fantasies. Often we have ideas about how we should be, where we should be in life. Notice, I’m using the word should. When these ideas, whether you call them expectations or ideas or thoughts, have an embedded should in them, I should be a certain place in my life, I should have handled this situation in a different way, that person should have related to me differently, that person should be doing something differently. A lot of shoulds involved.

Dr. Nina:
You know what I say about shoulds? Not just me but lots of people. Don’t should on yourself. Don’t should on yourself. When you have an expectation or let’s call it a fantasy of how things ought to be, the idea of how they should be, because it’s a fantasy and in a fantasy everything is perfect.

When you think, “I’m going to write a book”, that book when it’s in your mind, when you have an expectation of how you can create it, it’s a perfect book. It’s brilliant, it’s perfect, it’s amazing when it lives in your mind and then, of course, the reality is it’s flawed, it’s not perfect, it’s not how you expected it to be because the expectation is it should be some kind of fantasy book.

Fantasy and reality are two different things and when we fail to live up to our fantasy because we’re living in the world of reality, that is setting up this idea that you’ve failed to be in some way perfect, perfectly living up to your fantasy.

Regan, what I would say is look at these expectations. There are some expectations that were realistic. When you’re crying and you talk to someone, you have an expectation that that person is going to say, “Hey, are you okay? What’s going on? That is a reasonable expectation” but when you have an expectation that you should … I’m trying to think of things that people have said to me, that they’ve said to me, “Well, I’m 40 years old and I should be at this level in life and I’m not so I’ve failed.”

Well, then that is not an expectation. That is a fantasy idea of where you think you should be in your life and calling yourself a failure rather than, “Okay, everything that is happened in my life has brought me to the point where I am today and if I don’t like it I’m going to take a look at my life and figure out how I want to change things” rather than beat yourself up because you’re not at some place that you think you should be. Maybe you don’t even want to be there.

It’s also interesting that Regan says she uses the critical voice on herself too. That when she is disappointed with others, she uses the critical voice on herself. I hear this a lot. When other people disappoint you, when other people disappoint them, they say, “I should have known better. I should have known better.”

Then you attack yourself for, essentially, not being psychic, for not being omniscient, which is all knowing, “I should have known better” rather than, “This person disappointed me. This person did not live up to my expectations. This person upset me and I have every right to be upset.” Whatever the situation is, I get to be upset, not mad at myself because I had an expectation and someone else failed me.

Then you take your upset feelings towards the people, the person or people who upset you and you just put them on yourself. How is that fair? Should expectations be eliminated? I guess that depends on how you define the word, Regan. You can have realistic expectations of a certain kind of responsiveness or a behavior of yourself and other people. When I say reasonable, when you’re talking about an outcome, that you expect yourself to create an outcome in the future, that you have only so much control over then it’s not appropriate to have that expectation.

It’s not appropriate, for example, to say, “Well, I’m going to write this book and then I expect that it will be a best-seller. That’s my expectation. I’m going to make it a best-seller.” I’m exaggerating this for the purpose of my point. If it’s not a best-seller then you feel like you’re a failure. If you say, “I’m going to write the best book that I can write and I’m going to put it out there and I’m going to do everything that I can to get it to as many people as possible with the hopes that people can benefit from it, that’s a reasonable expectation” but the outcome of, “I should sell a certain number or I should be at a certain level of life, which that’s should-ing on yourself.

A lot of this is semantics. Again, how does this pertain to weight and food and all of that? If you feel bad about yourself because you’re not living up to your unrealistic expectations and you’re really good at being critical of yourself then when you feel bad … Oh, let me just finish this thought and then we’re going to get to a caller.

When you are critical of yourself and you don’t know how to be supportive and kind and loving to yourself then what’s going to happen? How are you going to comfort yourself? How are you going to feel better? To get away from your inner critic, you are going to eat.

Those are my thoughts on expectations and managing expectations and why other words should be used instead of the word expectations and, as always, cultivating a kinder, more nicer I guess, just a kinder, nicer approach to yourself is always going to help more than eating is.

Karlygash:
Good morning. Good morning, Nina. This is Karlygash.

Dr. Nina:
Good morning, Karlygash. How are you doing?

Karlygash:
Well, it’s a very interesting question. I’m doing very different almost every moment of my day. I’ve been … Last week I’ve been diagnosed with Lyme Disease. Most probably it’s a chronic one. I probably got it when I was a kid but this last year my symptoms just significantly deteriorated and I’m really scared for my health, life, and wellbeing.

I’ve been binging the whole week uncontrollably and you’re helping so much but I was in this … I couldn’t even unstuck. You know what I mean? I’ve binged to the point that everything hurt and I was converting emotional pain and fear into physical pain and on top of that I just got psychologically separated from my mom and my biological father died.

I want to say thank you to you. I’m so grateful that this psychological separation was so timely as I don’t know how I could be doing right now if I didn’t have this one sorted out honestly in my life.

I talked to my mom and it’s no longer the same. I didn’t expect anything from her and I just understood she will never be the mother, the classical mother who cares and does everything. Most probably she gave me [inaudible 00:14:41] Lyme Disease. She never actually even checked that I could be sick or something because it was … If I was a mom, I would notice the behavior change and energy level in my kid but since she was not taking good care of me … Or, you know, [inaudible 00:15:00] psychologically like [inaudible 00:15:02] I believe that subconscious knows everything. It’s just we choose to ignore or we choose because it’s convenient or whatever.

The good part is that, yes, it hurts. Yes, it sucks. It’s unfair. It’s a big pain, hole, broken heart of mine but I posted it so I feel more settled in this question. Now coming back to Lyme Disease, I just talked to one clinic, which seems to be good in treating it and just initial cost just to do eight to 12 weeks of first initial treatment is $65,000 out of pocket. No insurance coverage because Lyme is very politicized in the US but the guidelines are written so the insurance pays only for one month of treatment and it’s not enough for a chronic Lyme patient. It’s basically leaving a person disabled and waiting until they just naturally deteriorate and just fails and dies.

This is how it is. This is what is.

Dr. Nina:
Karlygash, I’m actually … Please contact me separately. Let’s talk separately because I actually have a functional medicine doctor who might be able to help and will certainly not be $65,000.

I am very glad that you are able to recognize that this kind of desperate binging that you’ve been doing, which you hadn’t been doing before, was a way of expressing the emptiness inside, the pain inside, and the presence of the absence. That relates to the emptiness.

When there is a presence of … When you can discern what isn’t there, if that makes sense, the presence of the absence, it is to see what you are missing, to know what you are missing is beyond painful. That is what you got in touch with with two parents at the same time, one living, one dead plus this diagnosis, a time when we need parents more than ever, when you have a scary diagnosis like that, that’s when you need some comfort, some parents, someone saying, “Oh my goodness. It’s terrible and it’s going to be okay but this is awful and I’m so sorry.” That’s when we need it the most.

All of this was this perfect, horrible storm for you. Your solution was binging, which expressed a lot of different things but as you’re working through the pain, working through the true source of what’s going on.

Karlygash:
Yeah. That totally works. Your approach works. Your approach is the only thing which works, honestly. I was binging because it was a presence of absence. I just all of a sudden realized that I had it since I was a kid. That’s why life was so hard for me but I was still pulling it out and even being better than average. My mom never cared … Like any family member never cared about me. It’s still like this. Nothing changes.

On top of that, I am practically not at the same game with other people, meaning that I have Lyme and it’s chronic and it’s not recognized here so it’s going to be a battle. It’s going to be a long lasting battle and voice in my head from time to time. It’s not that you’re not doing it good. It’s just me taking in as much as I can provided that everything is broken inside and not working properly, that all these mechanisms of support and everything.

Dr. Nina:
Karlygash, may I also make a suggestion? Just a very practical suggestion? Join a support group for people who have Lyme Disease.

Karlygash:
Thank you very much. Sure. I will definitely join everything. I’m [inaudible 00:19:36] position. I already follow all the Instagram possible pages online. I watched the movie about Lyme Disease. This is how I knew what the situation in the country is with the disease. Also, I’m talking to Russian doctors, like CIS countries, because whatever is considered here aggressive antibiotic protocol in our country, it’s called just treatment. I’ve got over so many antibiotics in my life so it’s different.

I am very active. I’m searching the whole world. If necessary, I’ll go to Africa. If necessary, I’ll go to Iceland. Whoever can help me. I will do everything. I’m not giving up. I’m very active about it. Thank you for the suggestion. I will definitely go look for it and I will definitely join.

Dr. Nina:
Yes. I think you need to be talking with other people who are going through the same things, sharing experiences, but like I said, I’m going to get you the name of a functional medicine doctor who I have a feeling can help you a lot.

I just want to say something else about what you were saying about your family, that you essentially have always been the outsider in your family, the scapegoat, if you will.

Karlygash:
It’s not even a scapegoat. They were just so … It’s not even a scapegoat. At least a scapegoat is someone who belongs to family.

Dr. Nina:
Karlygash, no. The scapegoat is the one who is blamed for things or ignored or is … A scapegoat is someone who is like, “You’re not like us. You’re different from us.” If there’s a problem, it’s your fault. You’re on your own.

Karlygash:
In my case, it was even like the messages were kind of like you don’t even exist type of thing.

Dr. Nina:
Yes. Yes.

Karlygash:
It was like this. It’s not like, “You are not like us.” When you say, “You are not like me” it’s at least some conversation involved, some form of interaction. Even if it’s negative.

Dr. Nina:
Karlygash, it’s not said explicitly. When I say that, it’s the message. Nobody says, I mean, sometimes they do, “You’re not like us” but it’s the way someone is treated. It’s the messages, “You’re not one of us. You don’t matter. You’re too much. You’re not enough.” These are the messages that the scapegoat of the family gets.

In therapy, it’s called the identified patient. The IP, which is a stupid word. That basically means the scapegoat. The person who is scapegoated is made to feel that there’s something wrong with them because they’re not treated the same as the family but the family does it to feel better about themselves. They collude to say, “We are together. She is not. She’s the problem.” It gives them a cohesiveness and it makes them feel better about their lives if you’re a problem. The IP is the holder of the truth that nobody else wants to know.

The scapegoat is the one who is reflective and bright and recognizes what’s going on that nobody else wants to recognize. The scapegoat is often not bringing it back to the sense of not being parented by your own parents, by your own mother because she’s the only parent you have.

The scapegoat doesn’t learn to depend on other people for comfort. She learns, or he, that the only comfort comes from within. Only you can take care of you. You can’t rely on other people. Food is one way of managing that. So is … Jenny, who is also a frequent caller and her rosé, right? She couldn’t depend on her parents so she depends on rosé to soothe her.

Dr. Nina:
I just want to normalize why you’re turning to food because of the way that the family is setup.

Karlygash:
It makes total sense. I actually repeated the same scapegoat situation in my life with all the companies I worked for, the coworker situations, same thing. Also, I was part of Bachelor show in Kazakhstan, same situation. When they collude against the scapegoat or whatever, truth holder, truth keeper. This is so interesting how I was recreating the family situation in my life. It’s like a bad dream, which I was dreaming and dreaming again and again.

Dr. Nina:
That’s what we do. That’s what we humans do. It’s called repetition compulsion and basically what it means is what you don’t heal and you don’t resolve, you repeat. At work or in different situations like that, we fall into that pattern. We experience our bosses as parents, siblings, coworkers, our siblings, in our psyche. It’s not like we’re consciously thinking that.

But because we experience the people outside of our family as our family, or tolerate certain dynamics that you shouldn’t tolerate, if someone is mean and rejecting to you in your own family then someone who is mean and rejecting to you outside your family is going to feel like someone who knows you really well and you’re going to tolerate it. When you are no longer tolerant of mean, rejecting people you’re going to find people who are going to treat you well.

This repetition compulsion, again, these names are all so archaic but that is what all of us do. We repeat the past until we heal it and then we change.

Karlygash:
I think you heal it only if you put your consciousness to it and you really make a go to understand and see and bring from subconscious to conscious and normalize things. I think if you just repeat it, I don’t think it’s possible to resolve it because I’ve been repeating it and nothing had changed.

Dr. Nina:
Yes. That’s the point. It will keep repeating until you heal the past, until you actively heal the past it will just keep going over and over and over. Yeah. You have to heal that past actively. The repetition does not heal anything. It just repeats it. You just find yourself feeling terrible all the time. [inaudible 00:26:51] no longer repeat those patterns because they’re familiar or because you’re hoping for a different outcome from familiar people.

Karlygash:
Thank you so, so much, Dr. Nina. You’re a gold keeper and you give and you share this gold with us generously for free and really the universe blessed you and give you everything which you want because you really give a real working shortcut to progress and inner treatment in life.

Dr. Nina:
Karlygash, thank you but I want to challenge you a little bit because I’ve noticed every week you say something very sweet to me, something along these lines and I appreciate it.

Karlygash:
Because this is how I feel.

Dr. Nina:
I know and I appreciate it so much. What would happen if you took that appreciation that you have for me and what I’m sharing with you and how I’m helping you, what if you took that sense of appreciation and turned it towards yourself? What would happen if you start looking within for what you appreciate about you?

Karlygash:
Dr. Nina, sometimes I have these two moods, I’m either all bad, like my family treated me, but when I don’t think how my family treated me I actually think very good about myself. I say, “Karlygash, look at you. Who in your situation going through this all hardness would come out actually like this” because many people who [inaudible 00:28:25] they said, “You were supposed to end up a drug addict or kill yourself.” You know? “But you are making it and you’re even succeeding.” I’m like, I’m actually doing so good and I’ve been always like that. I feel good about myself.

Karlygash:
As a kid, I had this light in me. For myself I feel so great. This intrusive thought about how my family treated me, it’s like something which needs my whole strength to get rid of. It doesn’t go by itself. I really appreciate myself and I think I compliment people when I am myself [inaudible 00:29:05]. You’re maybe right. I need to take in more care of people. I really don’t have experience in it. You’re right. I need to appreciate myself more and maybe tell myself those things. Like that I’m doing good helping myself and really doing the hard work showing up, doing the work, and never giving up actually, which is honestly hard. I don’t want to [inaudible 00:29:41] hard because I just want to keep going but it’s a hard job.

I was contacted by a cousin last week from my dad’s side, who never even contacted me, and she kept telling me like, “Oh, wow. This is so interesting. How come you’re from [inaudible 00:29:58] traditional thing and how come you made it two years?” The way I think she was surprised that I am not [inaudible 00:30:05] and she’s like, “How did you make it?” I’m like, “I just made it by making it.” Everybody thinks she could never understand … Her message was like, “Your story” being so away by both families, dad’s and mom’s, you were supposed to die and even us having money and resources and not many of us are succeeding, if at all, but how come you made it? I’m like, girl, I made it because this is me. This is what I do.

Dr. Nina:
Because you’re smart, you’re resilient, you’re a fighter.

Karlygash:
Thank you.

Dr. Nina:
You’re tenacious. You don’t give up. You’re curious. This is why you’re resilient. I’m glad that you were able to turn that appreciation that you showed, so lovely of you to show it towards me. Practice saying that to yourself too. And from an I place. Not, “Karlygash, look at you.” Who is talking? I. I feel good about myself. Come from an I place. It will …

Karlygash:
I feel good about myself. I am so smart and so tenacious, so creative. You come and learn from me how to live this life and how to fight for life. You know? It’s not you, Dr. Nina. I’m just talking to someone hypothetically.

Dr. Nina:
How are you feeling saying that, making that switch to go from, “Look at you, you’re doing great” to, “Hey, look at me. I’m doing great”? One is experience distant. One is more within you. How did that feel doing it that way?

Karlygash:
It actually feels great. It’s just from this healthy place. It feels great. I know why I’m scared to do so. When I used to say good things about me and family I was called selfish, arrogant. They used to say, “Be careful, queen. Your crown is going to fall and you will not have your crown anymore.” Sarcastic things like that. I was always put down for being great. You know what I mean? That’s why I’m scared of my own success because I’m waiting for a blow or something terrible or they will ruin something of mine. I’m unlearning this and I’m learning that it’s okay to be successful and own it and proceed with it and just own it because it’s mine. It’s my success. I got it done. I got those genes, I made it done solely by myself. I choose to own it and I choose to be okay with my success and greatness. Even saying so, I’m going to cry.

Dr. Nina:
Hold that in your heart, in your mind, in your body. Hold that thought and practice that this week. Okay? Look forward to hearing how it goes.

Karlygash:
Thank you so much. I will. Have a wonderful day, Dr. Nina. I love you.

Dr. Nina:
Karlygash, goodbye for now.

Jenny:
Hello. Hello.

Dr. Nina:
Hi, Jenny.

Jenny:
Hi. How are you?

Dr. Nina:
I am doing well on this beautiful Wednesday here in LA.

Jenny:
The weather is so nice lately that I’m really dreading the weekend because it’s going to be like 100 million degrees again. This nice weather has brought me joy.

Dr. Nina:
How’s your internal temperature? What’s going on inside?

Jenny:
I am having … I wonder if a lot of people are feeling this way or if it’s just me. I always think it’s just me but, I mean, it’s got to be a lot of people. I’m having a lot of anxiety and … Yeah. A lot of anxiety. I guess I would call it anxiety. I’m having a lot of worry and anxiety about the economy starting to open up again. We just opened and now it’s hair salons again and barber shops and then the next phase will be gyms.

I got a call for a small job, a possible small job. It wasn’t even confirmed at the moment when I got the call and I just felt this wave of anxiety just come through me because everything that I read and hear I just feel like, “Oh, no. It’s happening again. They’re going to open the economy and there’s going to be this huge uptick and then they’re all going to get closed down again and then I’m going to get COVID and everyone I know is going to get COVID” and, of course, I catastrophize it and I just don’t understand … I don’t understand what this rush is to open the economy, especially before a giant holiday weekend when you know everyone is going to be out and about. I don’t know. I’m just feeling a lot of anxiety over the possibility of this just never ending too. You know? It feels like it’s never going to end.

Dr. Nina:
Okay. I’m hearing two things, Jenny. One is your anxiety, understandable anxiety, about opening up the economy. The other is as you said, catastrophizing it. There’s the what if? Then there’s the really, really bad what if?

Jenny:
Yeah.

Dr. Nina:
This is a time when you want to stay in what is … What if is fear and anxiety about the future. What is is reality about your present. If you take the economy opening up, yes, it is scary because there are a lot of people that are not taking precautions as they should be. I read that if 95% of Americans wore masks starting today, we could save 65,000 lives by December.

Jenny:
You know, I want you and everyone to know, I’m not a trust fund kid. I’m living on nothing right now. I desperately need to work and need the money since I’m not getting … The pandemic unemployment has lapsed. I’m literally making $0. It’s not like I’m like, “Oh, I have money and I don’t need the economy to reopen.” No, I desperately need it to reopen but I’m scared for it to reopen.

Dr. Nina:
Yes.

Jenny:
You know what I mean?

Dr. Nina:
You and many other people. Of course, there’s the anxiety. Of course, there is. For good reason. The catastrophic thinking … In between anxiety about reopening and the catastrophic thinking of everyone you know is going to get COVID and you’re going to die I think is what you said.

Jenny:
Yeah.

Dr. Nina:
That’s extreme catastrophic thinking versus, okay, let’s say the economy is reopening. Clearly, it is. Focus on is. One thing you can do to feel safe given the situation, so for example, your small job that you mentioned, what can you do to feel as safe as you can feel?

Jenny:
I mean, I feel like I can keep myself safe and even my clients safe. It’s like the other people that are on set. I do makeup. There’s other people there. There’s like a crew. It’s a small crew but it’s just … I don’t know. Because I’m out of control over everyone else. You know what I mean? It’s interesting because we tell everyone to wear masks for other people’s safety and I feel like because Americans don’t comprehend that sentiment that they should actually reword the whole thing. The sentiment needs to be wear a mask to protect yourself and then everyone will do it because no one gives a shit about anybody else. They care about themselves it seems.

Dr. Nina:
Some people.

Jenny:
I’m leaning towards I care about me and the people I love that I see or want to see eventually and so that’s why I’m going to wear a mask and everyone else, fend for yourselves, assholes. See, I’m getting angry. This is where I’m at.

Dr. Nina:
Okay. Here’s something to think about. On the one hand, there are certainly a lot of people who are exactly what you’re saying and not thinking that this is real, not … For whatever reason, they’re not wearing masks. You’re also making it everybody. Last week, you talked about these parents that you had to take care of and never having a sense of being taken care of by, never being protected by your parents. Those are perhaps the original people who were just about themselves and not thinking about you.

Is it possible that, yes, there is a reality to what’s going on with masks? I know. But is it possible that there’s another layer of what’s going on? Which is that you’re re-experiencing that feeling of you’re on your own, you have to take care of yourself, and nobody is out there to take care of you?

Yeah. That is very possible that’s what’s going on. For sure. This whole thing has reignited all of these old kind of … I mean, the government right now is doing to me what my parents did. They cut me off. You know?

Dr. Nina:
Exactly. You’re experiencing both the trauma of the present plus the trauma of past, which you’re experiencing in the present. One thing that you can do is think about what you can do and be careful of the everybody else. Within this everybody else, which in your mind are all mask-shaming, non-wear masking, selfish people, they are out there and they certainly are out there.

Then there are a lot of people who are like you, who are wearing masks, who believe in the importance of keeping themselves and others safe, who are doing the right thing. I would watch the … Today is language day I guess. I would watch the everybody idea, the everybody idea, that everyone else is not to be trusted and selfish and only you and certain people you know are on the side of right. There are some people who are and some people who aren’t and so the idea would be, okay, if you’re on a set, how do you protect yourself against the individuals who are not doing the right thing?

Jenny:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). I mean, we all have to wear masks. That’s not the issue on set. It’s just the social distancing and the people who pull down their masks. Honestly, it’s not even that these people mean harm sometimes. It’s that they forget, you’re in a rush, and you forget and you run out and your mask is underneath your chin. I don’t have control over any of that and that’s another big thing.

This whole thing has made me realize how out of control I am and how I have to really just go with the flow and live a little more differently than I’m used to because I’m used to being in total control of everything and that’s what keeps my anxiety in check. Being scheduled and being in control of what happens around me. Now I’ve lost a lot of that because I can’t control what’s happening.

Dr. Nina:
But you can control your response to it so let’s say you’re on the set and you see someone with their mask under their chin.

Jenny:
Yes.

Dr. Nina:
What can you do?

Jenny:
People get so snide when you say something to them, as if you’re attacking them. You know? Even people in my apartment complex. I’m like, “Oh, your mask slipped down under your nose.” They’re like, “I know. I put it there purposely for [inaudible 00:43:26].” You know? I’m like, “Oh my God.” I just am very wary about even going near anybody.

Dr. Nina:
You can say, “Hey, look, I feel a little unsafe when people’s masks are under their noses. Can you please move it up?” If they’re upset at you, oh, well. That’s you protecting yourself, which you’ve done too much of that already in your life but this is a time when you do have control over what you say to someone, what you say to someone who is not following the rules.

Jenny:
I’m exhausted by doing these things. I’m exhausted by having to constantly ask … When a job comes in, I’m like, “Okay, what are the protocols?” Why do I have to ask all this stuff? Why isn’t this just normal? We can’t go back to what it used to be. We are living in a different time. I don’t understand why people can’t comprehend and just … I just feel exhausted by this whole situation and I want to move somewhere where I don’t have to deal with it but there’s nowhere to go.

Dr. Nina:
Unfortunately, yes, I think that it’s the state of humanity and what we’re seeing under this incredible duress are the people who are able to see reality and say, “Yes, this is a significant threat to all of us, all humans on this planet and we should unite and take care of ourselves and each other” and this should be a time when we come together. Some people are and some people are going into radical conspiracy theories or denying it, “No, the numbers don’t mean anything. It’s not real” and all of that.

Well, it’s showing something about humanity but the reality is both are there. There are the people who are able to protect you and me and themselves and see science and see what’s happening and keep firmly rooted in reality and then there are those who have a very, let’s call it, an alternate view of reality. They’re both there. You have to empower yourself to realize that you can speak up on set, you can speak up to someone and if they’re snappy and snide or if you’re in your apartment building and they get an attitude, oh, well, this is your life.

Jenny:
Yeah.

Dr. Nina:
That’s your power.

Jenny:
Yeah. I’ve never been the type to shy away from confrontation but, lately, I really feel like I just want to avoid everyone because everyone is … I don’t know. I feel like we haven’t united at all [crosstalk 00:46:21] and it’s really taken like … I don’t know. I have this distrust in humanity because of it. If a global pandemic or the whole Black Lives Matter movement isn’t uniting us as a people then what will? You know? The worst of the worst is happening right now. Literally. What else can you think about that is any worse than a global pandemic that’s killing hundreds of thousands of people and we’re not uniting? It just gives me … I feel distrust that I have now for humans.

Dr. Nina:
That’s the problem, that it’s become “humans” and “humanity” and all people rather than some individuals. Some individuals are united, some individuals are, and some aren’t. When it becomes humanity as a whole that’s overwhelming and makes you want to go into your apartment probably and close the door and never come out. When it’s humanity. But it’s certain individuals. It’s certain people.

Jenny:
Yeah. You’re right. As usual.

Dr. Nina:
Individuals. Not humanity.

Jenny:
It’s hard for me to … I go through all the stages of grief, like a death. Now I’m in the anger phase. This phone call has put me into the anger phase. You know, other days someone is very kind and I think, “Oh, humanity is wonderful” and then I just go back and forth and I think Karlygash said that. Her emotions are … You know, every day or every hour there’s a new emotion that springs up and it’s very weird and it’s hard to … Intellectually, it’s hard to grasp. Why is this happening? Why do I feel this way? Do other people feel this way? I feel very disconnected too, obviously. I think a lot of people probably do because we all are kind of disconnected in a way. You know?

Dr. Nina:
I talk to a lot of people and I would say everyone I talk to feels as you do. In terms of emotions, in terms of thoughts about what does this say about humanity? All of that.

I just want to normalize it. How else can you feel other than a roller coaster of emotions during a pandemic and social unrest and a political situation that’s absolutely crazy? Yeah. You’re going to have a roller coaster of emotions during this time. That’s normal but be very wary of casting all of humanity as bad. That will cause anxiety and depression and anger. Get mad at the few people who do that and remember you can speak up and remember also that there are a lot of people like you who care.

Jenny:
Sure. Okay. I will keep that in mind.

Dr. Nina:
Okay, Jenny. Well, thank you for calling and sharing your thoughts.
Jenny:
Thank you, Dr. Nina. I’ll talk to you hopefully next week.

Dr. Nina:
I hope so too. Bye for now.

Jenny:
Bye bye.

Dr. Nina:
And that is our show for today. Thank you so much for joining me here on the Dr. Nina Show here on LA Talk Radio. I am here every Wednesday at 11 A.M. Pacific on LA Talk Radio. You can also listen later on the Dr. Nina Show on LA Talk Radio on Apple Podcasts or anywhere you get podcasts.

I also invite you to go to my website and grab your free two chapters of my book The Binge Cure: Seven Steps to Outsmart Emotional Eating. Go to Dr. Nina Inc, that’s D-R N-I-N-A I-N-C dot com (www.drninainc.com) and grab your free two chapters of my book and tell me what you think.

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