Transcript

Dr. Nina:
Hey there, welcome to the Dr. Nina Show here on LA Talk Radio and Instagram. I am your host, Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin, and I am here to help you stop counting calories, carbs, or fat grams. Stop worrying about your weight. Stop worrying about what you are eating, because the real problem with stress eating, binge eating, any kind of emotional eating… the real problem is not food; the real problem is what is eating at you, and I’m here to help with you that so you can wake up and think about your day, not your diet. Wouldn’t that be amazing, to not give food a thought except, “Hmm, what am I going to have for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and the occasional snack?” Wouldn’t that be amazing? How liberating would that be?

So, if you would like to join me and ask a question, talk to me about what is eating at you, what is weighing on you, give me a call at 818-602-4929. Good morning, Karlygash. I see you on Instagram there. 818-602-4929. I am here to help.

So, I have some questions today. While I’m waiting for you callers, I have some questions today from members of my online group, the Dr. Nina’s Food for Thought community. Celeste says, “I’d love it if you talk about unmet expectations and how to deal with the disappointment when things/life doesn’t go the way you thought it would, hoped it would, or planned it would. How do you avoid being angry or not give up?”

Well, you can’t avoid being angry. You can’t avoid being disappointed. You can’t avoid being sad, or anything that goes along with disappointment. Disappointment and the accompanying anger, in Celeste’s case, or sadness or whatever it is that you feel when you feel disappointment… that is just a reaction to the disappointment, and I think we can all relate to kind of an overall global… literally and figuratively global… disappointment that we’re not getting to live the lives we thought we would be living, say, on December 31st, 2019, when we were all looking forward to a new decade and hoping that this would be a good year. We’re all disappointed, and then, of course, Celeste is talking about the specific disappointments of life when… there’s a saying; I’ve heard it attributed both to the Chinese and as a Hebrew phrase, so it could be both: man plans, God laughs.

Inevitably, you make plans and they don’t turn out the way that we think that they will, because when we have kind of a fantasy of how it’s going to be… “Oh, it’s going to be like this, and then I’m going to do that, and then that’s going to happen. It’s going to be like this and it’s going to feel like that”… then, inevitably, it doesn’t work out that way, because it’s always better in a fantasy. It’s always better when you think about how it’s going to be, and reality is disappointing, and sometimes reality can be crushing.

There’s no way to avoid disappointment or anger. There’s no way to avoid the experience. The only way to get through it, the only way to feel less angry is to express it, to express how angry you feel, to express what you are going through. That is the only way that you get rid of feelings. As counterintuitive as it sounds, the only way to get rid of feelings is to feel them, and not just the feelings, but also what does a situation mean? What does a situation mean about you? What does the situation mean about other people? What does the situation mean, this disappointing situation, mean about the world?

So, you really want to look at, where is this disappointment coming from, and do you blame yourself? Do you turn against yourself? “Oh, I should have known better,” or, “I should have known this was going to happen,” or, “I should have thought that I couldn’t reach for the stars. Who am I to reach for the stars?” So, feeling disappointed is not just feeling disappointed; it’s also connected to a lot of different ideas and beliefs that you may have about what you deserve, who you are, what other people want to give you and begrudge you, and what does the world mean?

Celeste, not giving up… giving up is the action that you take because of your interpretation of events. Thomas Edison very famously said, “I did not fail to invent electricity. I simply found 10,000 ways that did not work.” That was his attitude. He didn’t say, “Well, I’m a failure. I give up.” He said, “Okay, I found 10,000 ways that have not worked.” And when you make the interpretation of whatever the disappointing thing is, that, “Okay, this is disappointing,” but it doesn’t mean anything about you and what you deserve, et cetera, then you can go on. Giving up is because you have some thoughts or ideas about what you may or may not deserve in life.

Celeste, to answer your question, do not avoid being angry when you’re disappointed. Allow yourself to be angry, but then notice what it means about yourself, others, and the world, and based on that, that is connected to your feelings of wanting to give up. Remember Thomas Edison and let that be your guide.

Maya has a question. She said, “Can you talk about the anxiety that comes with the feeling like you’re racing against a clock throughout life? How this can be managed or stopped, and the pressure of this sort of thing be alleviated?” Wait. Take a call. Maya, hold on, we’re taking a call.

Dr. Nina:
Hi, caller, you’re on with Dr. Nina.

Brian from Chicago:
Hi, Dr. Nina, it’s Brian from Chicago.

Dr. Nina:
Brian from Chicago, good to hear from you. How are you?

Brian from Chicago:
Good, good. I am doing well, but my question is about you, because you spent so much time giving of yourself to other people and trying to help them get through anything that may be going on in their lives, and now we have this gigantic shared experience that we’re all going through, and it’s exacerbating what I think we all brought into the pandemic situation with us. I was just kind of wondering how you’re doing.

Dr. Nina:
Aww! Gosh, I don’t know why, it just kind of makes me a little teary. Thank you. Thank you, Brian.

I am doing a lot of things, as in feeling a lot of things. I’m also doing a lot of things, but… I sometimes feel hopeful, I sometimes feel disgusted, I sometimes feel really scared. I feel a lot of things about this situation that we are all in, and I really have to take measure of that and attend to that. Everything that I say to you, everything I say on this show or in my programs or anywhere… I mean, I’m not just saying, “Hey, you do it.” It’s something that I have to do, as well.

It’s brought up a lot. This situation has brought up a lot for me. I know you’re a long-time listener to this show… so, I have an autoimmune disease, which means I am in a high-risk category, which makes super scared, and for a while, I would feel like every time I stepped out of my house, there would be coronaviruses just floating around waiting to get me. I really had to work through that and go with what is, not what if.

I also have dealt with my just bewilderment and horror at the anti-maskers. Sometimes I just feel like this situation is bringing out the best in humanity and the absolute freaking worst, and that’s scary to see, because I’m a person who really likes to think that people are essentially good, but when I see so many people making choices that are so self-absorbed and so self-centered, and so angry at their rights being taken away… what, do you have the right to drive drunk, too? You have the right to do whatever you want? No! We have to think about each other, and we have to think about the greater good, and now I’m on a soapbox!

But to answer your question, I am feeling a range of different things. I am worried about my kids. I am worried about my family, and often, I just feel a lot safer when I am at home. I just feel like, “Okay, I’m at home, whatever is going on out in the world, it’s out in the world.” Right now, that’s what makes me feel safe, so that’s where I’m staying. It’s hard.

Brian from Chicago:
I think we all feel that way in one form or another, because within your home, you just have more control over how thing may or may not go, whereas once you step out of your home, you being to hand control off to other people. It’s sort of like your car is parked in the driveway, and it’s fine, but the moment you get in your car and start driving, you’ve essentially handed the responsibility to keep your car and you safe as much to other people as to yourself, and so that means you gave up control the moment you left.

So, I can totally understand why you and why everybody, to one extent or another, kind of feels that way, and I know it’s probably a whole separate conversation, just the psychology of people who feel that threatened about putting on a mask. Bear it, on good days, I try to at least understand and be empathetic about how they might feel that way, and just why their feelings are so aggressively expressed, but on the majority of days, I’m just thinking, “You would not be screaming at me if I said, ‘Please buckle your child into a car seat.'” It’s as much for your good and your child’s good as it is for all of our good. It just helps society be a better society, and it helps us take better care of each other, but for a lot of people, it seems like they have forgotten what it means to think of anybody but themselves.

I get how you feel. It’s discouraging and disheartening and disappointing and disconcerting, and other dis-type words, just to see these people operating out in the world; the fact that they’re raising children just makes me want to have DCFS take the kids away, if that’s how unsafe and uncaring they’re going to be… but those are my uncharitable moments. Most of the time, I just sort of pity them, that they’re willing to sign over their safety, everyone else’s safety, their children’s safety, to conspiracy theories that easily. Who was it, P.T. Barnum, I think, who said, “No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people?” It just seems that sometimes we’re seeing that play out in real time.

Dr. Nina:
Yes. It’s disturbing. It’s disturbing, and the modern world [inaudible 00:13:04] how do we bring our home out into the world? I guess that is a way of saying, how do you then feel safe out in the world? I don’t know that you can ever feel completely safe in modern worlds, and I don’t know where you are, but I’m in Los Angeles. I’m in Calabasas, Los Angeles, and we have now the highest number of cases. It’s just spreading like wildfire, an unfortunate comparison since we had to be dealing with wildfires a couple years ago.

It’s really scary, so I guess the only way that we can feel safer, not safe, is to wear masks, and just to take care of ourselves and to think about ourselves and each other, and take the appropriate steps.

Brian from Chicago:
Well, to that end, I was thinking about how you’re doing. It can’t be easy giving so much of yourself out without anybody just checking in to see how you’re faring through all this, so I just wanted to say, I was thinking about how you might be doing, and just wanted to let you know that that’s as important as how any of us are.

Dr. Nina:
Brian, that is so kind, and I really appreciate that. That is very, very, very nice of you to call and ask me that, and I very much appreciate it. Thank you, and I hope you are doing well and staying safe.

Brian from Chicago:
I’m hanging in.

Dr. Nina:
Thank you for calling.

Brian from Chicago:
You bet.

Dr. Nina:
Aww! That was so sweet… so, so, so sweet. Brian from Chicago, thank you. Thank you so much.

All right, back to Maya. She’s basically saying she’s running against the clock, she’s going, going, going, she feels a lot of pressure to do and do and do and do. And so, I guess, Maya, I would say, take a look at where you learn that your sense of self and self-esteem, because extrapolating from your question that it seems like your sense of self and your sense of self-esteem is very much predicated on accomplishing and producing and doing, what Deepak Chopra called a human doing rather than a human being.

Part of that is our culture, where we learn, “Hey, we are what we do.” I had a friend from England, and she said, “It’s so bizarre how Americans… almost the first thing they ask you when they meet you is, ‘What do you do?'” She said, “In England, they don’t ask you. They say, ‘How are you? How’s it going?’ They’re more interested in who a person than what a person does.” Assuming that you are in America, Maya, part of it is our culture. Our culture says you are what you do, and that is a dangerous way to be. Of course, it’s not being, it’s doing. That’s a dangerous attitude, because you’re only as good as your last accomplishment, and then, your sense of self is based on, “Well, what am I doing, and what’s the last thing I did?” You’ve got to keep it going, and that’s where the pressure comes. You’ve got to do and do and do and do and do.

So, how can it be changed? First of all, look at, where did you learn that it is so important to achieve and be productive as a way of feeling good about yourself? That’s one thing. Challenge those ideas. Challenge the idea that you’re only as good as the last thing you did, because I don’t think that anyone looks back on their lives when they’re very, very, very old or on their death bed and said, “Well, gosh, I could have done more”… maybe Schindler, Schindler’s List… he thought, “I could have done more,” but that’s a little bit different.

No one says, “Wow, I did so many great things.” I don’t think so. I think they think about the love that they had, the relationships that they had, the connections. They think about what made them a human being, not all the stuff they did.

So, first of all, Maya, think about where did you learn this, and also, what’s going to happen? What is the anxiety of not doing it? What does it mean? If you’re not productive, what is that anxiety? What does it mean? What are your thoughts about it? So, I know that I’ve answered Maya’s question with more questions, so Maya, please either call in or write an answer, and we can keep it going in terms of answering this question.

So, to that end, I again invite you to call in. 818-602-4929. 818-602-4929. Modern [inaudible 00:18:44] is saying we might need to develop more compassion. Indeed! More compassion for each other, more compassion for ourselves. We have to have an attitude of compassion and curiosity. So often, we lead from a place of criticism. We find it really easy to attack ourselves, to find what’s wrong, to point out all of our perceived deficits or deficiencies, and we forget to be compassionate.

Often, you treat other people in a completely different way. You look at your friends, and hopefully you’re not just focusing on their deficiencies; otherwise, you might not be friends with them. You’re looking at, “Okay, they’ve got stuff, but overall, I like this about them, and this about them, and this about them, and this about them,” and yet, we do the opposite with ourselves. We turn that same gaze on ourselves, but instead of saying, “We like this about ourselves, we like that, we like this, we like that; we’ve got some stuff, but oh well, these other qualities outweigh”… pardon the expression… “outweigh the negative, or the perceived negative,” we do the opposite.

We say, “Ugh, this is wrong with me, and this is wrong with me, and I’m not that, and I’m too much that. I could have done that better, and I should have said that. Why did I make that choice 10 years ago, and why did I say that 10 minutes ago, and what’s wrong with me? I suck. Oh, and let me get on this scale. Ugh. I hate myself.” We don’t practice compassion, and we must practice compassion. We must learn to be generous with ourselves, compassionate with ourselves, and understanding of ourselves.

Who’s with me? Any more questions? You guys that are on Instagram, do you have any more questions or comments? Feel free to drop them in the comment box. If you want to call, the number is 818-602-4929.

So, as I wait for all you callers to call in, I’m just going to await… Ronan is typing something. Adding a caller, okay.

Dr. Nina:
Hi, you’re on with Dr. Nina.

Karlygash:
Hello.

Dr. Nina:
Hi, Karly.

Karlygash:
Hi. Good morning, Dr. Nina.

Dr. Nina:
Good morning, Karlygash. Can you speak up just a little more, or put your mouth just a little closer to your phone? I’m having a bit of a hard time hearing you.

Karlygash:
Sure. Thank you very much. Actually, is it better now?

Dr. Nina:
It’s better now.

Karlygash:
Okay. Thank you very much for accepting my call, and actually, it’s even hard for me to talk to you because I’m in such a pain. My stomach hurts terribly, as I’ve been binging this week and past weeks, but past weeks severely. We talked about it yesterday with you, and after we talked, I lasted, I don’t know, two, three hours, and then I started binging again.

Dr. Nina:
So, I did talk to Karlygash, who, as you guys know, she’s in my Inner Circle program, because we’ve talked about that. So, that’s why we talked, and what I told her, just to catch you up, is that she had to translate the physical pain that she was in as a result of the binge. She had to translate that physical pain to emotional pain, and so, let’s give that a try. If you were to give that pain a voice, what is it you cannot stomach? What is it that is so painful?

Karlygash:
I don’t know. Just now, it’s physical. It hurts so terribly, and I’m just trying to think, what can be emotional pain? I don’t let myself feel pain much, although I promised to you yesterday that I’m going to feel that pain we talked about later in the day… but I didn’t. I had my two hours evening walk where there’s no people and it’s a good chance to cry and let it out, but I didn’t. I didn’t let it out. Maybe I’m scared just to feel the emotional pain.

Dr. Nina:
Well, the thing about emotional pain is that we’re scared to feel pain. That’s why we protect ourselves from feeling pain with… an eating disorder is a form of escaping one kind of pain, although it creates a whole other set of problems and pains, emotional pains. So, you’re trying to protect yourself, but you’re hurting yourself.

So, what is it that’s so scary about thinking about being hurt, emotionally hurt? What do you associate with that?

Karlygash:
Emotionally hurt… I don’t know. I think when I was born, I have this idea of me that I’m so invincible and strong. Well, I had kind of life where I had to be strong since I was, I don’t know, a kid, eight years old. I took care of myself, my mom. I guess I never let myself, I call it, get loose or something. I guess I was the responsible kid who had to think and act like an adult.

Many times, when I did something in life, it was at the cost of myself, like not letting my emotions out; squeeze it up and just push through.

Just push through, and get it, no matter what. So for me, when people ask me something, usually they ask me a lot of advice. I give good advice. When people tell me to do something or ask something, for me, “No,” or, “I cannot do it,” or, “I don’t know” is never an answer. I simply never had a chance to be a kid and say, “You know what? I don’t know.” That’s out of my [inaudible 00:25:52]. It’s not that I had to, it’s just the life looks like this. If I don’t figure it out, being a kid, how this thing works or how to make it by the age of eight, or how to provide for myself when I’m a kid, I would simply not have at least some minimal basic life.

So for me, “No” is not the answer, so I had to… maybe I just learn to be in this… when I’m relaxed… in the beginning of pandemic, I was relaxed because I didn’t work at all, and I just took self-care and I did a lot of self-work. I got relaxed, really relaxed.

Dr. Nina:
Karlygash, I think you’re getting a little bit away from the topic of emotional pain. So, if I can make a couple of observations: one is that your initial association was that you’re strong, and that leads me to speculate to the idea that perhaps you feel that feeling those pains [inaudible 00:27:08] is weak, and that somehow you pride yourself on strength, and to fall apart a little bit is to feel weak, as opposed to feel human.

The other thing is that, what you’re describing is essentially having to raise yourself. You were what is called a parentified child. A parentified child is a child who takes care of her parent, but does not get care. You are the caregiver and caretaker of your mother, but you never got mothering, and that can be so powerful and so painful, and so overwhelming, that your mind is fighting against feeling that.

By the way, how does this relate to food? Food in our psyche, in our unconscious, it equals mothering. Our first experience of being fed is being held by, usually, our mothers; not always. I know there are dads out there who are mothers. There are gay couples in which there are two dads, but I’m using mother as sort of a broad term, the main caregiver, the person who fed you the first; so, the feeling of being connected in relationship and bonded is bound up with the experience of being fed, and that’s why we don’t think of it consciously.

We don’t think, “Oh, food equals mother, food equals mothering,” but we think, “Food equals comfort.” We think comfort food. In our unconscious minds, hidden from us, is an equation: food equals relationship. Food equals mother. If you have to take care of your mother, then guess what? Food has taken care of you.

Karlygash:
You’re right, 100 percent, because yesterday, I was binging on white stuff. It was string cheese; tons of string cheese, Brie cheese and milk. It was really white, so like literally-

Dr. Nina:
Milk. Mother’s milk. Yes.

Karlygash:
Yes.

Dr. Nina:
Mother’s milk turned into cheese.

Karlygash:
I even bought this chocolate… you know this Kinder, which are sticks? They are like Twix sticks, but not the chocolate one. I bought the white one with white chocolate.

I also want to tell you that yesterday, I called my mom. Not called, I left her voice messages. I usually leave her voice messages with tips and how to do the psychology, [inaudible 00:30:13], blah blah; she doesn’t have this information.

And then, oh no… yes, and yesterday, I left her the whole message after we talked. I left her long, long, long messages saying that… you know what? Because I listened to her message and it pissed me off again, because she always starts like this. “Hi. How is my daughter doing? How is my sweet daughter doing?” I left her a message. “Stop, Mom, addressing to me in the third person. Ask how are you doing, how are you feeling?”

I’m sorry. Can I swear? What the heck is that when you’re asking, how is my daughter? I told her the long poem. I said, “Mom, you never love me.” She says, “Oh no, you don’t believe me, but I love you.” I’m like, “You never loved me, you never was a mother for me, and even now, you just like the idea of having a daughter, of having a successful daughter who is beautiful, and like really cool one. You just like the idea of having an exceptional daughter, but you just don’t like having a daughter in the first place like Mom, Mom.” It’s my kid and stuff.

Dr. Nina:
Karlygash, you are getting angry as you are talking about this. You’re getting angrier. Anger is the opposite of sadness. So, your association was to… you were eating yesterday, and now we know you had this exchange with your mother, and you told her, “You never loved me. You loved the idea of me.” That’s emotionally painful. That’s converted to physically painful.

Karlygash:
It’s physically painful.

Dr. Nina:
Yes, so it is painful, and right now, just allow yourself to recognize that. You don’t have to dive into the deep end of the pool of pain. You can just stick your toe into the shallow waters of the pool, and gradually, gradually, gradually, you’re going to be able to access the deep end. Give yourself, with compassion, some understanding that this is too much. It is unbearable, and you have to slowly, slowly, make your way into it.

I have one more person behind you. Can you call me next week and let me know how you’re doing? Let us know.

Karlygash:
Sure, thank you so much. Thank you so much for your help. Of course, I will, and pain has subsided a little bit, surprisingly.

Dr. Nina:
Not surprisingly, because the only way to get rid of feelings is to feel them, and what you did was you intellectually recognized why you were so hurt. So, recognize that, and be wary of turning pain into anger.

Karlygash:
Okay.

Dr. Nina:
Anger is an active emotion. Pain is a passive, sad, little, ugh, helpless, yucky emotion.

Dr. Nina:
I just want to leave you with one idea. You survived the circumstances that led you to this place. You have already survived the pain. You will survive working through that pain. You will survive it. You’ve already done the hardest part, which is live through it.

Karlygash:
Thank you so much. I will take that in mind, and I will do my best to feel the pain off. I don’t want to talk about it… just I felt it a little bit today, a little bit.

Dr. Nina:
Just identify it. Be in the shallow end of the pool, that’s all. That’s all you have to do.

Karlygash:
Okay, not kill myself of all that amount. Just a little bit today.

Dr. Nina:
Just a little bit, just go, “Okay, yeah, that hurts. Now I’m getting out of the pool, but at least I know what it is.” You’ve got this.

Karlygash:
[crosstalk 00:34:25]

Dr. Nina:
You can do this.

Karlygash:
Thank you. I will. Thank you so much.

Dr. Nina:
You’re welcome, Karlygash.

Karlygash:
Have a great day, Dr. Nina.

Dr. Nina:
You too, Karlygash.

Karlygash:
Thank you. Bye.

Dr. Nina:
All right. Now, we have… Jenny?

Jenny:
Hi, it’s Jenny. Hello.

Dr. Nina:
Jenny. Jenny, welcome to the show. How are you?

Jenny:
I’m doing okay. How are you?

Dr. Nina:
I’m doing well. Everyone is asking me about me today.

Jenny:
I know. It was really nice of that guy from Chicago, I forget his name, to ask that, because it’s like you call about yourself, and you forget to ask about you. How rude! How rude of us as callers.

Dr. Nina:
No. No, no. I’m here for you. I am here for you. Not rude at all. If you want to have a social conversation, you just call and say, “Hey, this is what’s going on.” That’s what I’m here for.

Jenny:
Okay, well, I’m glad you’re doing well. It was nice to hear about you, actually. It’s always interesting to hear Karlygash. My heart bursts when I hear her. I just hope she’s going to be okay.

Jenny:
For what’s going on with me, well, as you know, every time I call, I have anxiety about something. Of course, this week, all of us… I do makeup for the entertainment industry, and we’re all waiting, all us freelance people are waiting for unemployment, for the GOP to figure out what they’re going to do with the pandemic unemployment. They’re teasing us with the cutting money, and none of us are working still, and there’s so many people unemployed that need that pandemic assistance. I’ve been having crazy dreams, and I wonder if they have anything to do with the fact that I’m stressing out about this stuff.

Jenny:
I’ve been having-

Dr. Nina:
Well, tell me your dreams, because as a psychoanalyst, I do a huge amount of dream analysis. That’s a whole part of how we can access the unconscious, so I would love to hear your dream.

Jenny:
My dreams have been very vivid lately, really vivid, and I remember them, which is odd, because normally, I don’t remember them.

Jenny:
I had two dreams in the same night this week, and they were both similar and different in ways. One of them was, I was lying on a beach, and I had my bookbag… my purse, little bookbag thing next to me… and this giant wave was coming in, and everyone was rushing to get away from this big wave, and I was clawing my way up the beach, and I couldn’t grab my bag, my purse. I couldn’t grab it, and it went washed off to sea. When I got up to the shelter where we were out of the beach area, everyone was scrambling, so they grabbed their belongings that were washing up on the beach, and my bag just never re-appeared, and I was flipping out because my whole life is in that bag. I was like, “My purse! Where’s it at?”

Jenny:
I just felt very… like I lost an appendage or something.

Dr. Nina:
Okay, so-

Jenny:
And then-

Dr. Nina:
Oh, and then?

Jenny:
Well, and then I had a dream in the same night, and I woke up and I was like, “Gosh, I had two dreams where I lost”… the next dream was, I was on a giant ship out to sea, and I went to go use the bathroom, and I left my purse on the ledge where the window is, and the ship started rocking back and forth. It was a big ship, and it started turbulently rocking, and my purse fell out the window off to sea. Again, I was like, “Oh my God, I lost my purse!”

Jenny:
So, I lost my purse in two dreams.

Dr. Nina:
Okay, so-

Jenny:
It was the sea, both in the sea!

Dr. Nina:
Yes, in the sea. So, both of these are a giant wave, and also other giant waves. Maybe you’re at sea a little bit right now in terms of what’s going on in the world, but a giant wave is a force outside of your control. Modern [inaudible 00:39:11] is saying a wave is a natural occurrence like the virus, yes, and so something outside of you, outside of your control, comes in and takes away your purse, and you said, “My life is in that bag,” as you were describing it. “My life is in that bag.”

So, what do we have in our bags? Our life is in our bag, our identity, our money, our everything that we need. And so, this seems to be an anxiety dream about losing your sense of you… your life taken away from you. It’s being swept away from you, and there’s nothing that you can do about the helplessness and the powerlessness of what is going on.

I’d say that the key to these dreams is your description of, “My life is in that bag,” feeling as if your life is being swept away by powers outside of your control.

Jenny:
Well, that makes sense, because it has been by the pandemic. My whole life is [inaudible 00:40:22] now, being unemployed and stuck at home and having no purpose except for walking my dog.

Dr. Nina:
Forces greater than you… Karlygash was saying that a bag, for a makeup artist, is their work. Yeah, your life is in the bag. Your work, your life… everything that makes up your life is getting swept away.

Jenny:
Yeah, interesting.

Dr. Nina:
You can’t do anything. You couldn’t grab your purse, and you thought that it was safe to leave your bag somewhere… which is interesting that you left it wherever you left it… you keep losing your bag, also.

Jenny:
Yeah, and I remember feeling, at the end of the last dream, which was when I was on the ship and the purse fell out… I remember going into a room and people were looking through… they were trying to gather the things that had been lost during this turbulence, and I couldn’t find my purse, and I just had to surrender. I just had to be like, “Okay, well, what did I really need in there?”

I remember at the end of the dream, someone coming over to me and giving me money, cash, saying “Here’s some cash,” because that was really the only thing I really needed. You can get new credit cards and identification and a new purse, but you can’t recoup that money… which is weird, because I never carry cash on me.

Dr. Nina:
Well, what did you say earlier? You were talking about what’s going on in Congress, and are they going to extend the unemployment bonus.

Jenny:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Nina:
And in both dreams, at the end, you have a bunch of people trying to get everything that’s been lost, but you can’t get what you have lost, but then someone gives you something, which is maybe, thematically, a wish fulfillment. You’re getting the thing that you need. You’re recognizing… you come to some realization that a lot of what’s in the bag can be replaced, and that you’re okay, but maybe your life is not in the bag. Maybe you have a separate life from what is in the bag, and what was in the bag, by the way?

Jenny:
I mean, my purse. It’s interesting. I feel like women in general have this attachment to their bags. We’re always making sure our bag is next to us, or sitting on the chair. What’s in the bag? I mean, Chap Stick; eye drops; a mask, nowadays; wallet; but really, there’s nothing that can’t be replaced in the bag, honestly, when I really and truly think about it. Sunglasses, you know what I mean? [crosstalk 00:43:23]

Dr. Nina:
What was the feeling? What was the predominant feeling in the dream?

Jenny:
Oh my God, I was frantic. I was frantic looking for this bag, and stressing that, what am I going to do if my bag doesn’t wash back up to shore? What am I going to do without this bag?

Dr. Nina:
But at the end, you seemed to come to some sense of recognition that you can only…

Jenny:
Yeah.

Dr. Nina:
You can do it. But the frantic and the stressing, are those feelings that you are feeling in real life?

Jenny:
I mean, yeah. I don’t know. I’ve never had my purse stolen. I’ve never had a purse stolen or snatched away from me, but I can imagine that that’s the same feeling, total shock and disbelief, and then feeling of loss.

Dr. Nina:
I’m wondering if, not in regards to literally having your bag or purse be gone, but the feeling of feeling frantic and stressed, I would imagine that that is something that you are feeling in your life, that then gets put in the dream, but the target of it is the losing…

Jenny:
The feeling of the loss and stress is where I lost you. I’m sorry.

Dr. Nina:
So that the feeling of being frantic and stressed, while not specifically being about your literal purse, is how you feel about your life, which the dream represented as your purse. So, to me, as awful as these dreams sound, and how panicky and frantic you felt, the end is actually the hopeful part, to realize that even if everything is taken away, you are going to be okay and you know people might help you out. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Someone gives money.

Dr. Nina:
To me, that is a very hopeful punctuation to this dream.

Jenny:
Yeah.

Dr. Nina:
So, thank you. Thank you for sharing the dream.

Jenny:
Thank you for analyzing my dream.

Dr. Nina:
You’re very welcome. So, just pay attention to when you feel frantic and stressed in your life, and you have that-

Jenny:
Dr. Nina, I lost you again.

Dr. Nina:
Oh. Well, when you have those feelings of being frantic and stressed in your life, remember this dream and remember that even if the worst happens, and everything is swept away from you, that your unconscious, it is reminding yourself that you are able… whoops… that you are able… that you are being okay. Your life is actually not in your purse. Your life is in you.

Jenny:
Well, thank you, and I will remember that.

Dr. Nina:
Okay, and please call back with more dreams or anything that is on your mind.

Jenny:
Will do. Will do. We’ll talk next week. .

Dr. Nina:
Bye, Jenny! That is our show for today. Thank you so much for joining me here on the Dr. Nina Show on LA Talk Radio. You can listen live every Wednesday at 10:00 AM Pacific. You can listen later at Apple Podcasts, just look for the Dr. Nina Show on LA Talk Radio.

Someone asked me what my Inner Circle program is. You can find out about the program, which is a small group program I only offer four times a year; I also offer it individually. You can find out about it on my website… www.drninainc.com. Have a safe and healthy week, and I will be back here with you next week. Bye for now.

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